[...] I have had happy occasion to think of my family lately. Amidst all the turmoils of my strange existence in Munich, I spent the evenings dictating my autobiography, which I have now brought down to my twenty-first year. Naturally you all come into it, and I have been very much moved by thoughts of my youth, which is remarkably vivid in my memory. Up to this period of my life I could write only in happy vein, even about my many errors, but after that date (and this is what lies before me next!) my life becomes a serious and bitter affair, and I fear my happy tone will desert me—I come to my marriage! Not a soul knows what I have suffered through that!—Naturally what I dictate is not destined for the public. It is designed solely as a reliable source for those who, after my death, will be called on to give the world an account of my life.
Believe me, dear Fritz's death was a great grief to me. You know how much he always appealed to me, how fond I was of him! At the time, however, I was involved in such disturbing and distracting events that I could not have got a moment to send you my condolences except in a brief form unbefitting the occasion. As a matter of fact I was daily contemplating departure from Munich. The King knew that it would be a kindness to me not to keep me any longer; since it was of use to him, he was even ready to get a momentary advantage for himself out of it. He will have to grow older and learn just a little more about human nature. His ardour gave me no rest. He struck at and injured all about him, without being able to make up his mind to effective resistance. What more can I say? Time teaches all. If he cannot find strength in himself to make a firm stand, I cannot impart it artificially. For the present I am holding out strongly for a few years of complete retirement for doing certain particular works. All schemes for foundations and production can, and must, be postponed. The King expects me back in Munich at Easter; I, however, prefer to live quite retired, whether here or elsewhere; my very salvation demands it. [...]
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Vol. 2, selected and ed. Wilhelm Altmann, trans. M. M. Bozman (J. M. Dent & Sons, 1927), No. 612