My sincere thanks, dear sister, not least for your news! - I have had welcome occasion of late to think of my family: in the midst of all the upheavals of my curious existence in Munich I spent the evenings dictating my biography, in which I have now progressed as far as my 21st year: of course you all appear in it, and it moved me deeply to be reminded of my youth, which lay before my mind’s eye with such uncommon clarity. Up to this period of my life I have been able to write in an exclusively cheerful vein, even when it came to reporting all my errors: but from now on - (and I have reserved this for later!) my life becomes serious and bitter, and I fear that the note of cheerfulness will now desert me - my marriage comes next! Not a soul knows what I have suffered because of it! -
Of course, what I dictate is not intended for the public eye: only after my death will it serve as a reliable support for whosoever may be called upon to give the world an account of my life.
Believe me, I was deeply upset to hear of dear Fritz’s death: you know how much he always meant to me, and how much I liked him. But just at that time I was beset by such unsettling and irritating circumstances that I could not have found a moment to offer you my condolences except with the most unworthy brevity. -
I had in fact daily contemplated leaving Munich: the King knew that he would be doing me a favour by not detaining me any longer; since it served his purpose to do so, he was even able to derive some momentary advantage from it. He will have to grow older, and get to know people a little better; his ardour left me no peace, he injured everyone around him without being able to resolve on any proper resistance. What shall I say? Time will instruct him. If he cannot find strength in himself to take a firm stand, I cannot provide him with any artificial strength. For the present I am insisting upon a few years’ complete withdrawal simply to be able to work: all plans for founding schools and performing my works are to be postponed, and indeed must be postponed. The King expects me back in Munich at Easter; but - I prefer to live here or elsewhere in secret, since my ultimate salvation demands it. -
I hope these few lines will suffice! It’s only a little - but at least I was able to write at once! -
Fare you well, my dear Luise; rest assured of my most sincere condolences on your grievous loss, remember me to your children, and remain well disposed towards
Your
brother
Richard.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 342