Thursday, January 29:
Spent the whole morning walking in the palace gardens, keeping an eye on the children on the ice. R. works on his second act. After lunch he goes to see Herr Feustel, who cannot understand the King's remarks about the Dahn poem, since in Councillor Diiflipp's office he had seen telegrams from Eisenhart, the secretary, reporting that the King was feeling extremely ungracious toward R.!
The bank in Coburg is prepared to advance 50,000 florins on the spot once the guarantee is given! Well, at least the men have now been paid 10,000 florins. In the newspaper we read as a piece of literary and theatrical news that Laube and Dingelstedt have now been reconciled after an estrangement of many years, and that as a result, Parts One and Two are to be performed (with stage design by Makart, etc.) over six days. I have to laugh over these miserable people.
Of Faust R. says: “Such works tower like sphinxes over our incompetent culture. The German drama is past rescue, the opportunity was missed, now music has taken over and swept everything away.”
Today it was also my lot to be put to a fearful test. When the two elder children came upstairs to say good night, I joked with Blandinchen about coming times. As the children leave, I notice that Daniella is saying something and call Blandinchen back to ask about it. “How boring,” is what she had said about my joke! R. horrified, I preserving silence, bidding my soul to be calm, and in this calmness stammering a prayer of submission. All I can do here is accept. With distress I now realize that blame lies not in my divorce from Hans, but in my marriage to him. God, for my punishment, resolve not to let the cheerfulness fade which is so vital to R.; holding back my tears, praying!