Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of January 30, 1872

Overview

Loldi improves a little, allowing the narrator to stay with her in the morning and then make an afternoon trip into town. Despite a small practical errand about dancing lessons, the day is shadowed by a sense of not belonging anywhere. A telegram from R. in Weimar says he is well and will go on to Bayreuth the next day, but the clipped telegraphic style only deepens the irritation. The night brings another strange knocking, reinforcing the unsettled mood.

Content

Tuesday, January 30:

So Loldi is somewhat better; I stay with her the whole day. Then toward evening I went to town to inquire about dancing lessons for the children. Melancholy mood; one does not belong here, but where in this life does one belong? Feelings of being a stranger all over the world! Telegram from R. in Weimar: he is well, traveling to Bayreuth tomorrow. I write to him in the evening. Vexation over this dry correspondence by telegram.

(A week ago I was touched to read of the death of Msgr. Bucquet, my first father confessor; the best priest there can ever have been and the friend of my childhood; he also knew Daniel and Blandine and was very dear to all three of us.) In the night a curious knocking again.