Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of January 24, 1872

Overview

R. leaves for his journey, and the departure becomes a charged family scene marked by affection and unease. Before going, he plays the last page of the first scene, speaks with unusual tenderness about the work, and insists that the real creative force remains intact. At the station he tries to reassure the narrator, calling himself happy and grateful for the wife he has been given. After he is gone, the evening turns heavy and domestic, with children to manage, letters to answer, and a melancholy return to solitude.

Content

Wednesday, January 24:

Departure today; Bernhard Loeser is in Berlin; this is the main transaction, then Cohn and Loen, to whom R. has written. R. leads me to the piano and plays me the last page of the first scene.

“Yes,” he says, “when the donkey feels his oats, he goes for a dance on the ice. I complained of having to compose; now things see to it that I cannot continue. But this does not touch the vital nerve, that is safe; you are the driving force and embryo for everything, and I have you. Now I am going, but that is better than if you went.”

Contemplating the children at lunch, he says, “Only dreams help!” At one o'clock we go to the railroad station. “I remain in your protection,” he says to me. “I am happy, just look at me: an old man like me, and what a beautiful wife I have been given!” Embracing and waving, and then gone! I have no urge to go home and do some shopping. Back at five o'clock; toiling and moiling with the children, and in the evening upstairs, melancholy. Letters from E. Krockow and Marie Muchanoff. Arranged files; to bed around midnight. Began a letter to R.