Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of January 23, 1872

Overview

R. concludes that he must make the trip himself, and the mood in the house collapses at the thought of his departure. Heckel cannot leave his business, so the hoped-for substitute disappears and R. settles into drafting plans and assessing the situation. Lenbach writes that another portrait of R. is nearly finished, but the news cannot soften the sense of disruption. The children cry, the household feels emptied out, and an awkward Hamburg admirer adds one more complication to the day.

Content

Tuesday, January 23:

R. feels he will have to make the journey, so goodbye now to the working mood. Oh, how sad, how sad! I feel crushed. Herr Heckel replies by telegram that he cannot leave his business for any length of time, and he asks for details of the time and place. R. says: “It was just a shot in the dark; it would have been a miracle to have hit straightaway on the right person who could place himself at my disposal at once.” He writes down his plan and a survey of the situation. So dive down deep, Rhinemaidens, alas, for how long?

In the afternoon a letter from Lenbach, saying he has nearly finished another portrait of R. R. prepares for his journey; the children are in tears over his departure, and I feel as if wiped out. On top of it all, a Hamburg enthusiast asks for a letter. Childish friendship against calculated hostility. Bülow is now in Berlin, which is also an embarrassing factor.