Dear Minna,
I had already been greatly expecting a letter from you. Your having let yourself be carried off to Kreuznach first, explains the whole delay. So I will answer you at once, and make use of your own blue ink for it.
It will be a week tomorrow since you left here, and we again were obliged to abandon a hearth and home. I have been in a mood of great depression, through this constant repetition of the same unrestful fate; I hadn't believed that not one inviting sign of life would come to me from elsewhere before my departure from Paris. I cannot help confessing that I am in a very hopeless frame of mind and bitterly dismiss each flattering fancy, at least to spare myself and you this eternal repentance. Therefore I mean for once to wait for Fortune to declare her favour with no doubtful voice! That must be — and let patience help!
I cannot sufficiently extol the Pourtalès'; in every way I am regarded as one of the family, and treated with great and kind consideration. Only my being able thus to pass the little time I have still to hold out here, could help to make it endurable to me. It is almost like the country here, and when I open my big window of a morning, and look out across the garden and the Seine to the Garden of the Tuileries, I'm often taken with a pleasant sense of ease. I am served with great attentiveness, and lack nothing in the way of convenience. All of which tends to lessen the bitterness of my farewell to Paris. —
Nevertheless I feel that one sole thing can altogether wean my mind now from the untowardness of all my last experiences of life, — a serious engrossment with my art! Not before I'm in my own true element again, shall I also conquer the great sadness now possessing me.
From Vienna they're entreating me not to delay any longer, but to come myself as soon as possible: everyone is in need of my animating presence, they say, to begin the study. In particular, the Director himself is urgently begging me. So I'm resolved to restrict my stay here to the briefest length, and then go direct to Vienna — without stopping at Weimar. I shall see Nuitter to-day, and set him a definite limit for termination of our present labours; otherwise they'll drag on for an eternity. If it is possible, I think of leaving here the end of next week, when I shall likewise travel by Cologne, only visit you at Soden, and then make direct for Vienna. Here I strictly am sitting on thorns. —
Of other news I haven't much to tell. I've only seen Therese once, the day after your departure, when she brought me the tea-service and I also wrote her a character. Last Sunday I looked in there, but didn't catch Therese, as she had just gone for a walk with her female friend. Otherwise, the concierge assured me, she never went out at all, but sat knitting herself stockings all day in her lodge down below; nothing had been heard yet of a situation for her. On Thursday she will come and see me again.
I have received a very satisfactory answer from Volz about the furniture; he believes he can keep it on his premises as long as ever I wish.
Only to-day can I settle my account with the packer; moreover, the good man charged more than was agreed. The amount of money that takes wing is awful! Ah, how prudent all this sad experience makes one in the end.
And now, dear Minna, think of nothing for the present but your health and utmost possible convenience. For God's sake, think of nothing further now, and take everything calmly and quietly! — Think of nothing but your restoration; these two Parisian years again are weighing on my conscience like a dreadful nightmare! Indeed I meant well; but once more my good will precipitated me into the greatest rashness. I can only tell you that I marvel at the way in which you have survived this terrible, incessantly obnoxious time again; I almost deem it a good omen for your health, since I can but think that with a quieter existence, freer from care, you may even get quite well at last. For sure you shall not lack for anything; rely on that: my immediate life will cost me little. —
Well, we shall see each other soon: may you have somewhat rested by then; and then we'll also have a quiet talk, and agree on what's most sensible. Farewell, good Minna! Sleep well soon, and pluck up heart for life's last round!
Thy Richard.
Seebach has hopes of speedy amnestying in Saxony!
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 2 (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1909), No. 208