[...] I have been and still am so enraged by the unheard-of wickedness of the Saxon Government that my feelings prompt me to go away at once, without the slightest attempt to soften the harshness with which they are treating me. Still, I have allowed myself to be persuaded to apply to the Archduke Maximilian in Milan for a suspension of the order on the basis of a medical certificate. I shall let all depend on whether he behaves decently and take no further steps. The only thing that I care about in the matter is to avoid a new interruption in my work, for I have reason to fear that in my present sensitive condition another break may keep me from ever completing Tristan. For this consideration I was ready to sacrifice my indignation.
I wait in great perturbation. My weariness of life has greatly increased. My sole refuge is in forgetfulness of all my circumstances, so that I can get courage and spirit for my work; but these constant reminders of the wretchedness of my existence must lead in the end to my giving up altogether.
I cannot, therefore, tell you much about my immediate future. I am thinking of taking a final step shortly to find out, once for all, whether these Saxon intrigues against me are to come to an end or not. I shall do so in order to decide definitely where I am to make my final home. If it is to be abroad, I will solemnly declare that I never want to see Germany again. [...]
Hans—one more request! I should be glad to make money out of the pianoforte arrangement of The Rhinegold. Härtel's annoy me unbearably. I cannot establish any permanent connection with the ancien régime. What I want is a young enterprising publisher, with his name still to make and therefore inclined to take some risk and not afraid of making some sacrifice. Surely there must be someone like this who would be ready—even by the ordinary standard of calculation—to take the chance of a small loss to make a name for a young and still unknown business by a noteworthy enterprise? That is what I need—for I, too, am risking everything. Is there no one you can suggest?
[...] Tell Cosima, that if she regrets having sent me such a letter as her last, she may continue to send me nothing but letters which she regrets having sent! Such regrettable letters are my only comfort. In effusions like these I come all at once to true knowledge of myself; I attain blessed quietude and a deep consciousness of interior peace. Tell her that! And give her my warmest greetings! [...]
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Vol. 2, selected and ed. Wilhelm Altmann, trans. M. M. Bozman (J. M. Dent & Sons, 1927), No. 392