Dear Friend,
Your letter of yesterday found me indisposed.
I am in a somewhat serious mood, and just in a state to see clearly through all delusions. As I am exhausted, I can only reply briefly.
You might well have spared me X. all over again; I thought I had told you enough about this matter. Concerning him, he is piqued about the R.'s inheritance, and hence suddenly the violent lamentation; that he does not possess sufficient sense of propriety to feel that the R.'s are not in the world solely for his sake need not cause any surprise; but I hope you will perceive what a difference there is between R.'s sympathy for my future and X.'s peddling business. So far as I am concerned, I consider this speculative meddling in so delicate a relationship as mine to the R.'s revolting. If it continue, I shall most probably energetically and entirely abandon all claim to the R.'s sympathy for me. I wish some people would do me the favour of considering me dead. Really and in truth I am so for all that officious crew. I am dead, and X. may act as fancy, or rather as his stupidity, prompts; in fact, as he has been inspired by it up to now. Let him bring out a second edition of Tannhäuser or not: to me it is absolutely indifferent, if he is so stupid as not to see now that every tolerable man of business can transact business with me at this very moment. But if such a man as X. is not even a man of business, I would certainly like to know in what capacity he could appear to me worthy of regard, so that I should trouble about him. Let him go, and tell me no more about him. Be silent about him to me as if I were dead.
Through Liszt's friendship I have been again drawn into a half-and-half world in which I begin to feel myself deeply and painfully moved. For the moment I know not what to do to get right out from it. Only one thing is clear — that I do nothing further. No more Illustrirte Zeitung; at least, certainly no more with my help. I do not intend in any way to become celebrated; at least, I will not help to make myself famous. Leave the rubbish alone, dearest Uhlig! With respect to the present world, can one have any other pleasure than, at best, to deal a blow according to one's whim and fancy? How impure and tainted is all other dealing with it. Let men do as they like: they must leave me out of account; I am dead for this world.
All this recent desire to perform my operas is, after all, most disgusting. I make myself — as I see more and more clearly — only ridiculous, by defending myself against a wish that cannot will. Have Härtels not written to you about the score? It seems to me as if it would be more prudent for them also not to go beyond wishing. If they print the score, they will only cause me fresh perplexity.
Concerning my "Preface" — this my last word — I have still a request to make. As soon as you send back the last sheet of this preface to Härtels, ask them, by writing, in my name, to send a corrected proof of the whole preface at once to Liszt; and as soon as this is done to notify the same to you, so that I may at once know it. Only then will I send off Young Siegfried to Liszt; and I shall have to declare to him my intention to finish the composition, although I cannot let the whole be produced at Weimar unless I am there myself. This will naturally give quite a new turn to the whole matter, which must inevitably result in my deciding to render void the whole Weimar covenant. I anticipated this, and made up my mind from the beginning not to touch the Weimar subsidies, so as to be able, should circumstances arise, to be quickly rid of the matter. But, unfortunately, I was forced to touch and spend the first hundred thalers which I received from Weimar in July, and how I shall be able, just now, to put aside the November remittance I cannot imagine; for with the R.'s pecuniary help alone I have hitherto not been able to make both ends meet. With this I have involuntarily answered a question which, in the form in which you put it, really vexed me. I do not like answering such singular questions, even when I think they are put with the best intentions. Only the supposition that there may have been some gossip determines me to answer in a more definite manner, namely: last winter I was obliged to borrow money of my friends here; but I consider — or rather, according to those friends, I am justified in considering — this in no way a case of debt. Since February I had no longer occasion to borrow. In March Liszt sent me one hundred thalers, at the same time the R.'s sent theirs; and in July the Weimar intendant did the same — so from that time I managed all right, with one exception, when, counting on the twenty louis d'or from Schwerin, I took the waters. This money, still failing to come, leaves me in want, and I must borrow. Why the deuce are you suddenly concerned about my money-affairs? I have become somewhat long-winded, and must now conclude. To clear matters I answer briefly some queries.
"Libretto of Hoffmann for you!" I do not remember. Mistake (perhaps "Die Bergwerke zu Falun"? not worth the trouble). "Trautmann and Tannhäuser score." As Meser likes; he can also give one to Heidenreich. All the same to me. Am anxious about you, as it is so long since you wrote. More of this another time.
Remind Weber in my name about the correction. "The critical friend of Lohengrin" — Dr. H. Franck. Your articles keep up, even to Pabst's opera. Rare wit and excellent ideas. If I write nothing specially about them, always understand that I agree.
With Brendel all right!
From the Gegenwart.
See to it at your leisure. But why?
I want a small house, with meadow and a little garden! To work with zest and joy, but not for the present time. Besides Siegfried still some big plans in my head; three dramas, with a three-act Vorspiel. If all German theatres tumble down, I will erect a new one on the banks of the Rhine, gather every one together, and produce the whole in the course of a week. Rest! rest! rest! Country! country! a cow, a goat, etc. Then health — happiness — hope! Else, everything lost. I can no more. You must come here!
Your
R. W.
I remain at least four weeks in Albisbrunn. Müller sends greetings. Don't be anxious about me; I shall be better by-and-by.
Don't refer to X. again. If your conscience moves you, act for yourself, but not for me.
Source: Richard Wagner's Letters to His Dresden Friends, Theodor Uhlig, Wilhelm Fischer, and Ferdinand Heine, trans. J. S. Shedlock (Scribner & Welford, 1890), No. 35