Oh my love, my only bliss! Are you as solemn and as quiet as I always imagine you to be? Silent, wistful and hard-working? - When I came out of the hotel and into the “Promenadeplatz” today, and caught sight of these houses and people, - I cried out aloud: “ah! it was this that she had to put up with!!” The royal princess as a goosegirl: falderal! - No! You poor thing! You did not belong in this world! Outcast and banished from a homeland which, sadly, you never saw. “Knowst thou the land?”
Your thoughtful greeting arrived this morning, my beloved, ever-present one! - I had slept well, helped no doubt by the cold weather that I had survived. Franz did not arrive until long after I had gone to bed: he had still been waiting for me at the railway station when “Schulz” finally reported that I had already been here for 2 hours. But the first person to come to me in bed was - Lenbach (!!!) I now realize that it is impossible for me to carry on with my deception any longer: wretch that I am, you have so little trust in me that you undermine all my best-kept secrets! -
Here is a letter for you from M.M. which was passed on to me by Lenbach after he had visited her at her castle the day before yesterday (on his return from Vienna): of course, these lines will tell you all the arrangements that I had already made with Lenbach some time ago. What is the use of going on with this pretence in order to maintain the principle of a birthday surprise? Also, what could I tell you about my day here if I had to conceal from you that I was spending the whole day in Lenbach’s studio. You must know then, you poor deceived woman (deceived, that is, about the surprise!) that my entire plan for this journey had long been centred around my correspondence with Lenbach. He went away to Vienna for 8 days at the beginning of December, and everything else was planned in the light of this. (But, as I say, you trust me in virtually nothing!) — Out with it then. — Lenbach came to see me in bed, and did nothing but make lots of sketches. I was with him today in his sumptuous studio from 1 o’clock until 4; of his sketches of you I saw only one fleeting example (a profile) which - although not yet very lifelike — I found very moving. All the others he disowns. — I was then subjected to 2 hours’ harassment, and made to sit first in one place and then in another, first like this and then like that. Porges had slipped in, and showed himself not at all unskilled at judging the various poses. Finally Böcklin arrived; and the most insane sitting began; I was completely torn apart: and then, to cap it all, another young man arrived, whom Lenbach assured me was the greatest living sculptor (but whose name I couldn’t catch!) To the sound of regular squeals of ecstasy they finally managed to find the “divinest” pose, swearing to each other that this would be the most remarkable portrait in the whole world. Böcklin would like to bring an easel and paint me as well. The sculptor wants to model me from the other side. — I couldn’t conceal this nonsense from you, nor - because of the surprise - could I lie to you about what I have been doing here during this time, and while you would have been inwardly annoyed with me - that is, if you had believed my lies. - I then went with Lenbach to dine at his usual restaurant, and the rest of them came with us for a beer. A strange gathering: I suddenly felt very odd among these childish sculptors! — Then back home, where I had put off all other visitors in order to wait for Düfflipp, who had sent his servant to say that, instead of coming at 6 o’clock, he would not be able to come until after 7. The delay was most welcome to me: with a long sigh I lay down for a brief rest, thought of you, you poor and glorious woman, and then woke up from a deep sleep from which I was torn by D.’s embrace. God forgive me, but I have to regard this curious fellow as my friend! He was deeply moved, nay beside himself, to see me. Curiously enough, he has not yet received any news from H. Schwg. God knows if the parcel arrived in time. I explained the matter at considerable length, and found the most uncompromising willingness to support my request, indeed, I even received his promise to implement the idea. Because of difficulties with train connections I expect I shall now have to remain here a day longer, which will not harm Baireuth but will delight Lenbach. As a result I shall postpone my meeting in Baireuth until the 15th, which may also serve as information for you, my love. However - now that I stop to think about it - it would be safest if your reply to this letter were to be sent direct to Baireuth (Sonne). - What D. had to say had an extremely reassuring character in many ways. One thing though: he regretted very much not having insisted more vehemently upon building the theatre 3 years ago; if only he could have foreseen what opposition etc! -
For the rest, his news was reassuring more especially on the question of health and morality, and often most tender and heartfelt! Strange! Perhaps there’s still room for hope after all. - I am feeling much more cheerful, now that D. has finally left, and I can sit down to write this letter to you. -
The whole of the Mrazek family came to pay their respects this morning: their daughter and son had to sing the “Watch on the Rhine” to me. 3 verses. - Netti looking very well! -
My dear wife! My dear wife!! - Listen now! I shall write to you tomorrow with details of your journey: for (oh joy!) in only a few days’ time I shall already have taken you in my arms again. On no account must you leave Lucerne early; but at least spend the night in Basle. - But I shall have much more to say tomorrow, including more good news and favours to ask. -
Now I want to dream that I am with you. Where are you in the evening when the children are in bed? Do you remain downstairs? Probably not. Do go, I beg you, into the Orange Room! - Be good to me, and always forgive me! - Are the children behaving? Has Fidi been wetting the bed again? You know we have a son? A “son”? And such very good daughters, one of whom has finally, finally begun to look like her mother! - Kiss them all for me, all that were nurtured in your dear womb! - I love you, as no woman has ever been loved. Blessed, beloved, marvellous woman! - Fare you well, sleep well, be quietly godlike, as always when you are in your heart’s true home! - My greetings to you!
A thousand kisses to her whom I worship!
Yours,
R.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 403