Dear, kind friend,
I am very tired, and suffering from all that I have been through: now that the excitement has passed, the pain is beginning to grow, as with wounds. I shall not be able to return to my art as quickly as you might suppose. Even now, I continue to be amazed at the idea of how things would have stood with me now if this one unexpected event had not overtaken me; for everything I thought I could count on has, and would have, failed me pitifully! I can see that now, and shudder at the thought of it. - My loneliness is terrible. With this young King I can exist only as if on the highest mountain summit. The abandoned state of my household affairs, the compulsive need to busy myself with things for which I was not really intended paralyses my vital spirits: once again I have had to move, and set up house, and had to worry about knives and forks, pots and pans, bed-linen and so on. I, the glorifier of women! How kind of them to leave me to deal with their errands for them. -
My dearest, the most beautiful thing about your beautiful letter was the intimation of your visit. I am already looking forward to it, and so I do not need to write any more now, which, given my present weariness, suits me admirably. You will be able to live here in splendid fashion: since there was no alternative, I have a large house entirely to myself, and you shall find everything here for your convenience. Bring a secretary with you, and then you can dictate from your portfolio the novel you promised us. And this time we must have a proper conversation: who knows when there will be another opportunity? How happy I should be to die now!
Frau v. Bülow arrived yesterday with her children and nursemaid: her husband will follow. It provides a certain amount of animation, but I am so perverse that nothing makes any real impression upon me any longer. Perhaps it is only the bad weather that is to blame - do you not agree? We artists do not normally take things so seriously! Well, we shall see. But come soon, and remain for as long as you can. Let me say only this about my young King, if I am not completely and utterly happy, it is not his fault. I am sure you can have no real idea as yet of how glorious our relationship is. You will gain an idea of this, too, when you are here; in a word - the male sex has been completely rehabilitated in my sight thanks to this particular representative. -
You must see all this for yourself! - Adieu! My dear, kind, anxious, caring, and perceptive friend! - A thousand thanks for your friendship!
Cordially yours,
R. Wagner.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 308