Dear Cile,
If I don’t write even a few lines to you now, I shall not get round to writing at all: a little is therefore better than nothing, however quick! -
If only you knew how strange a feeling comes over me when I see from your letter, too, how infinitely little you all know of my life’s troubles! How odd it seems to read that in the great wide world, surrounded by fame, I have forgotten everything unconnected with this!! - How and where shall I begin to disabuse you!!
Suffice it to say that all my fame and all my successes in Germany have not helped me to find a place to compose my thoughts and prepare myself for some new task. An invitation to spend some time in Paris with the Metternich family, leading a life of quiet, carefree seclusion, was bound to strike me as a stroke of great good fortune while I was still in the heart of Germany. It lured me back here: in the mean time the Princess’s mother died, and her - deranged - father was brought to Paris and given the rooms intended for me, so that I - was left to look round for a well-furnished room for myself & my work, which is all I have left!! Everything I undertake is a failure - rejection on all sides - no idea what to do with myself wherever I turn! - No security, no income, hardship and care: no home, no family, nothing! -
Ah, what do you know! -
My child, why did you never come to visit me in Switzerland in all the 10 long years I was there? Klare, after all, found the means to do so! -
However, that is how things are!
I shall no doubt come to Berlin one day soon! But Berlin can - or could be too important for me not to be cautious about paying too hasty a visit there. This, unfortunately, is a question of politics! -
Next month I plan to move to Wiesbaden in order to work there in peace for a time. It is crucial that I settle down somewhere soon: however bad it may be, everything else is even worse for me.
Well, take heart, and be of good cheer: you are suffering from your nerves - my child, it won’t kill you, however much you may suffer: suffering of this kind gets better with time! On the whole, I myself am now feeling better than I would have expected. Take heart! We shall see each other again this year. Nothing is fixed, but there is much that points in the direction of a visit to Berlin! Be brave, and summon up your courage. I’ll give you something to laugh at: you can count on it! -
Fare you well, my dear Cile! Be satisfied with this! There is nothing sensible to be said about me! - Greetings to Eduard. Is he well? Tell him I’m in a bad way. Then all will be fine.
Adieu! Take heart, and remember me with affection!
Your
brother
Richard
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 273