[...] Liszt gave me a sad start to the New Year. I wrote him a whole letter that was aimed solely at Dingelstedt and couched, moreover, in terms that bespoke a certain humour, of a kind that all my friends readily understand, but he misunderstood it and replied to it in such a hurtful way that for a long time neither I nor Karl - who knew the facts very well - could get over our amazement. I did all I could subsequently to help him reach a proper understanding of this letter, for I was most sincerely anxious to rid him of his erroneous belief that I had been mocking him and his delight in Tristan. But he has not yet replied to me; I should be sorry if his pride were to prevent him from admitting at once that he had allowed himself to be misled in such a striking fashion on a decisive point like this as a result of his misunderstanding a friend of his. I do not doubt for a moment, however, that he will see this for himself, and I feel certain that his friendship will last, although I cannot help wishing to see an end to the evil from which our friendship evidently suffers, namely the lack of any real personal contact and dealings between us. I now realize more than ever that I cannot entirely let myself go with Liszt and that I must always exercise a certain caution in my relations with him. My humour is completely foreign to him. -
[...]
I am still rather unwell, and am constantly in pain. But I am again working eagerly. Tomorrow I shall be sending part of the second act to Härtels. They will have the whole of it by the end of February. When you get to know it, you will feel what an effort it has required and how rarely I was able to find the hours in my present life to make a success of such a work. I hope you will be pleased with it. If my daemon allows me to do so, I plan to outlast the third act with the coming spring months of March April May: if I remain undisturbed from without and within, I know that I shall not need much time for something like this. The performance has been provisionally fixed for the 6th of Sept. - the Grand Duke’s birthday - in Karlsruhe. Whether I shall have been amnestied by then is open to question, but the G.D. wants me to go there and stay with him at his discretion, but he asks me not to let a word of this leak out beforehand, otherwise this bold plan of his will become impossible. I earnestly entreat you to do as he asks. -
My sincere thanks to Cosima for the news she sent to Zurich, and for enclosing your recent letter, which I assume I am to keep? — I have to put up with a good deal of hardship, worry, and various discouraging afflictions, but my work keeps me afloat; and a little high-spiritedness can help me now and then, except when I cause myself renewed harm as a result, as is generally the case.
Remain true to me then, and never take anything that I say amiss. It is quite the stupidest thing anyone can do with me. I am much too tenderhearted and sensitive to want to cause anyone serious harm. - Fare you well! A thousand good wishes to Cosima!
Yours,
R.W.
[...]
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 233