Today is All Souls’ Day! -
I have woken up from a brief, but deep, sleep after long and terrible sufferings such as I have never previously suffered. I stood on the balcony and gazed down into the black depths of the Canal; the storm wind was raging. Had I jumped and fallen in, no one would have heard me. I would have been free of all torment the moment I jumped. And I clenched my fist in order to lift myself up on to the parapet. - Could I - with my eyes upon you, - upon your children? -
Now All Souls’ Day has dawned! -
All Souls! May you rest in peace! -
Now I know that it will yet be granted to me to die in your arms! Now I know! — I shall soon see you again: no doubt in the spring; perhaps even in the midst of this coming winter. -
You see, my child! The final thorn has gone from my soul! [...] Now I can do anything. We shall soon meet again! -
Pay no heed to my art! I now feel quite clearly that it is not a consolation for me, nor a form of compensation; it merely accompanies the deep harmony I feel with you, it nurtures my wish to die in your arms. When the Erard arrived, it could only seduce me because your deep and unshakeable love had flared up more unerringly and more brightly than ever, after the storm. With you I can do anything: - without you nothing! Nothing! [...]
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 224