[...] The world has been overcome: in our love, as in our suffering, it has overcome itself. No longer do I see it as a foe from whom I must flee, but as an insubstantial object indifferent to my will, an object I may now regard without shyness and pain, and therefore without any real aversion. This do I feel with increasing clarity, now that, in theory, I am less aware of the urge for total seclusion. Until now this urge has had for me the meaning of yearning, of seeking and of longing: but this - I feel right now! - has at last been wholly stilled. The recent decisions that we reached together have made me clearly aware that I have nothing more to search for, nothing more to desire. So abundantly did you give yourself to me that I cannot call this feeling resignation, least of all despair. This mood of recklessness used once to be the outcome of my searching and of my yearning: but I am relieved of its necessity now that you have made me feel so profoundly happy. A sense of inviolable satiety has taken hold of me. The urge I once felt has been deadened now it is fully satisfied. - Inspired by this awareness, I gaze anew at a world which thus appears in a wholly different light. For I no longer have anything to look for here, no longer have to seek out the spot in which I may hide away from it. It has now become a wholly objective spectacle, like nature in which I see the days coming and going, and see the seeds of life blossom and die, without feeling that my innermost self is itself dependent upon this coming and going, this blossoming and this dying. My attitude towards it is almost entirely that of an artist who perceives and portrays what he sees, a man who feels for himself and for others, without himself wanting or seeking or striving for anything. [...]
[...] No doubt we shall see one another again: but I think that, initially, it will be as - in a dream, like two departed spirits who meet at the scene of their sufferings in order to refresh themselves by recalling the glance and the clasp of hands that once delivered them from this world in order that they might find a place in heaven. If ever - perhaps on the strength of my newfound tranquillity - I may be granted a beautiful and unclouded old age, it may yet be possible for me to return once again and to be beside you, when suffering and jealousy are all overcome. The “Asyl” could then become a reality once more, after all. Perhaps I might even need to be cared for then. I hope such care would not be denied me. Perhaps - one morning - you would come to my bedside through the green study, in order to receive my soul in your arms with a parting kiss. - And my diary would then end as it began. - Yes, my child! Let my diary end here! It brings you my sufferings, my exaltation, my struggles, my glimpses of the world, and throughout - my eternal love for you! Accept it graciously, and forgive me if at any point it opens up old wounds. -
I am now returning to “Tristan”, that it may speak to you of the profound art of resonant silence. What gives me new life at present is the great solitude and state of withdrawal in which I live: it enables me to summon up my vital strengths which have been so painfully squandered. For some time now I have been able to enjoy a thing I had almost never known before, the benefits of a deep and restful night’s sleep: if only I could give it to everyone! I shall enjoy it until my wondrous work is finished and completed. Only then shall I see what an aspect the world presents to me. The Grand Duke of Baden has managed to obtain permission for me to visit Germany for a time in order that I may superintend the performance of some new work of mine. I may perhaps use this opportunity to perform Tristan. Until then I shall remain alone with it in this dream-world of mine which has now come to life here.
[...]
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 223