[...] I must see you now, Minna, I must discuss with you our fate; - God will give us courage & strength, & ultimately happiness as well. If not, well then, I don’t care if everything collapses in ruins around me; fate can free you from a lover & a bridegroom whose sole purpose in life is to bring you unhappiness, grief, torment & distress. - Write to me by return of post, I shall expect your reply within a week at the latest, see what you can find to tell me in the time that’s available, sound out Schuberth & Hübsch as briefly as you can, & God be with you! I cannot go on! - Be as gentle as possible towards me, Minna, since I am so dreadfully suspicious of myself, - you see, I’m convinced that I’m nothing but a trouble-maker, an utter nuisance & a burden to others, - that you would gradually grow tired of me etc. - It is true, I am a disagreeable person, a grey & black page in your book of life, a man dogged by misfortune, - alas, - & a hypochondriac into the bargain, - it’s bad. But it will get better, much better, - it has got to get better; - happiness, - or - You see, I’m back in my favourite mood once more, — how often I am to be found nowadays holding these charming soliloquies with myself; - I have become a serious, melancholy fool, - ah, Minna, life, happiness! - Have pity on me, have pity, my angel, you will make me well again, then my heart will break into a thousand pieces, or else - happiness, - happiness - Minna! Ah, I despair of ever finding happiness on earth; - love me, - keep on loving me, but do not insult me, have pity on a miserable wretch, for he is, after all,
Your
Richard.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 21