Ah, my dear sweet girl, my Minna, my angel, my all, — what a terrible time this is! Believe me, I shall never be happy, never enjoy even a single moment of happiness until I can enfold you passionately in my arms once more. Rest assured, I am trying every means at my disposal to deaden my pain, that is to say - I have not stopped working, - but it is useless, my strength repeatedly ebbs away again, my heart dissolves into a thousand tears, & today there have even been times when I despaired whether I should live to see tomorrow, - for I feel all the time that everything inside me is about to collapse with a loud crash, and that I shall cease to exist. [...]
June the 6th. You can probably imagine, my dear wife, how simple & withdrawn is the life I am leading here, - you know me well enough, after all, & know that ever since I first began to love you, I have been unable to bear a life of glitter, even if such a life were within my grasp; & so that you may know what I am doing every single hour of the day, I shall set out a plan of my simple daily routine: as soon as I wake up from dreaming about you, the first thing I do is write to you, - it is my morning prayer, & you are my God to whom I pray in the hope that you might answer me; fortified by my prayer, I then set about my work & as a rule remain at my desk until 2 o’clock. I then eat, & after the meal generally walk to Friedrichstadt where I meet Laube, Glasbrenner & a few others with whom I drive out to Charlottenburg; - there I generally meet Cerf, - drive back to town & go to one of the theatres, - thence to dinner & to bed at about 10 o’clock. The only change I might make to this routine is if I omit the drive to Charlottenburg, & instead either return to my room or else pay a call on Schwabe or somebody similar. But throughout all this I remain very depressed & sad, - God I miss you! Write to me, my angelic Minna, & tell me all that has befallen you, - your life after all must be more eventful than mine; - send me an account of everything that has happened to you, & let me share in it. - Yesterday evening I had a disagreeable incident to contend with; - one of the men sitting at our table was a gentleman from Altenburg who had not been back there for some time; in the course of our conversation, Dedal enquired whether he knew you from previously, & praised you a good deal; the other man said, “ah yes, - Fr: Planer, - she’s the one who was abducted, & in Meissen, at the inn, I discovered she was staying there; on retiring to my room for the night, I lost my bearings & found myself in her room; - a most interesting scene followed which lasted a good three quarters of an hour.” Of course we were all thunderstruck to hear this, & it was my duty & concern to ask for further particulars, since your name had been mentioned. “Fr: Planer?” he said, — “well, I suppose I may be wrong about the name, - yes, - you’re right, - it was Mlle: Wunsch or Christiany, - forgive me, etc.” - I told him that it was of little concern to me what he might have got up to with Mad: Christiany, - but that I must entreat him most earnestly never again to confuse two women’s names in this way & in such circumstances. — He then did everything he could to pacify me & to apologize. — But you see, my love, what people are like, - without wishing to harm you personally, but only out of disregard for names, - one way or another this man could have given you a dubious reputation - if I myself had not been present. - Any girl or woman from the theatre is too much exposed to this sort of thing, & I consider it my most solemn duty to do all I can to take you away from the theatre as soon as possible. I refuse to allow you to accompany me to Berlin as an actress, - how much better it would be if I had my dear little wife all to myself, & not for everyone in the theatre to gape at. You will then be much more sacred! - Oh, my Minna, my delight! With what rapture do I think of the future when it will be I who assists & aids you, — but who is there now to offer assistance & aid, at this hateful and unhappy time. - A death-like chill causes me to tremble from head to foot each time I think - another three months! - Do you know of no remedy? Will no miracle intervene? - Minna, my Minna, - no consolation? -
[...]
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 20