Dear Friend:
The decision of Frau Ritter that the 75 thaler should be considered as an advance on the next annual payments has hurt me very deeply! Just now, in my present situation, a stab through the throat would not have caused me so much pain as this cruelly pedantic step! However, I had not approached Frau Ritter, but Karl, in order to get the additional payment. In the end, Frau Ritter may be right; however, she should have arranged it in another way. I therefore appeal again to Karl. I speak no more of his offers for similar cases when I prepared performances, etc. I know that these former promises are no longer valid, but I am still definitely of the opinion that I am not asking too much if in this unique case, which will never and in no way be repeated, I beg Karl and his sisters to bring a sacrifice that cannot be too great a burden for them. Each of them has an income of 1,300 thaler annually, whereas I, who have to take care of five persons, am entirely unable to bear such a loss. I demand from Karl that he take care of these special expenses, and hope that he has still enough sympathy for me to consider the sacrifice I ask for as bearable. It is true, I could not believe that the Ritter family's interest in my doings has dropped so low that they, as I see now, do not understand at all what is at stake. What I ask for is their support for a renewed attempt to come again into some comforting contact with the life of our time, that they support me to such an extent that in trying this I do not succumb under the burden of the pettiest worries. Assuming that my relations to the Ritters were still better, I finally had—on my own account—called for some additional orchestra players—violinists and cellists—so that I now have incurred a debt of 100 thaler. Please approach Karl at once—by the mediation of Bülow—and urge him to settle this business of the 100 thaler quickly. I really should be punished too severely if I should miss this amount of my next payment. In fact, I thought it would be an evidence of my unchanged friendly feelings, of my respect for Karl when I unconditionally counted on him so far as this sacrifice is concerned. If he were petty in this matter, it would be just terrible; then I would again have to consider a complete change in the conditions of my life. I beg you to settle this matter as far as it can be done under the present circumstances: actually my whole mood very much depends on this affair. Please tell me how Karl behaved, I must know this.
How sad all this is!
Just now I have again suffered terribly. Today the Dutchman will be performed for the second time. At the first performance—on Sunday, April 25—at the beginning the main singer became hoarse: that was lovely! Finally he merely squawked. However, today the house will again be filled. Further performances will take place on Friday and Sunday. Today I cannot write anything more—I am finished from anger and fright! Perhaps I will be quiet enough to write a letter tomorrow!
Farewell, dearest friend!
Your
Richard Wagner
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner: The Burrell Collection, ed. John N. Burk (Macmillan, 1950), No. 117