Wednesday, April 7:
Both R. and myself utterly run down; even being with the children I find difficult. I fight my weakness as much as I can and begin my letter to the King.
Two telegrams arrive from Paris announcing the great success of Rienzi; yesterday was the first performance. R. was just then with me, to tell me that he is quite unable now to write about Berlioz. He would have liked to do it, and the impact of such an essay would perhaps have been good, but nobody should expect it of him. “Berlioz, the giant-sized pupil, too great to find himself a master.”
At lunch a third telegram, from Pasdeloup with just the words: Grand succès! Paid visits: Frau Am Rhyn, Countess Bassenheim. There and back with R. In the post office he finds a nice letter from Dr. Marbach, who tells him that all understanding people are pleased about the pamphlet and reports on the performance of Hamlet by Ambroise Thomas in Laube’s theater!!!
I found a letter from Claire, full of praise for Hans’s chivalry in sending the children to me. How willing I am to thank him for it! Played hide-and-seek with the little ones and discovered the first violets.
In the evening read Plato’s Laches; while reading got a fourth telegram, this time from Tausig in Berlin. It reads: “Huge success of Lohengrin, all Jews reconciled, your devoted Karl.” In this way successes mean something.
At supper R. again spoke of his memories of Berlioz and said he would now only praise him, pointing out that his failures were due to the badness of the prevailing musical conditions; yet they were also due to something in himself, his temperament. He had been constrained, and the constraint of his spirit had led gradually to a deterioration in his character.
Read much of Lewes; the subject remains constantly absorbing. But how frightful that affairs of the heart are discussed; how terrible is fame to a woman! It seems strange to me, too, that women who are loved by great men do not feel that they are what they are because of these men and this love, and imagine they are something else besides in themselves.