Saturday, June 10:
R. is in a dismal mood; I ask him why. He has been asked to acknowledge his debt in Vienna and does not wish to, so as not to place a burden on Fidi in the event of our dying. He intends to write to Herbeck, to discuss once again the question of royalties. It stabs me to the heart to see him so worried and not to be able to help. I say, “How mean of Princess Hohenlohe not to have helped with such a reasonable demand!” Then R. relapses into bitterness and says he regrets every cordial and enthusiastic word spoken to such treacherous beings. “You alone are worth living for, but only you,” he exclaims, in a tone that brings only bitter tears to my eyes. When will this curse ever be lifted from him?
On top of this it is cold. Yesterday, in pelting rain, I went out to meet him; when he saw me in the distance he sang aloud, “Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott.” Ever firmer is my resolve to make the children Protestants. The Reformation saved the German spirit, and I wish my children to be true Germans. I am already planning my “show” for R.’s next birthday; this is my recreation, as R.’s recreation is planning our house in Bayreuth.
A very fine letter to me from Ottilie, truly touching, revealing a large and cultivated heart. Herr Pecht also writes to me in a friendly manner and sends me his Shakespeare portrait gallery. R. receives from Fürstner, publisher in Berlin, 500 francs for “Der Tannenbaum,” which amuses him greatly. R. presents me with a very pretty new summer hat; he ordered it according to his own taste, and it is decorated with a lovely big rose.
We talk about my father; what kind of reunion would that be, he in his religious robes, I on the verge of becoming a Protestant, so that I can at least rest with R. in a single grave?
R. tells me that when he was a child he made himself some cardboard clouds and fixed them to chairs, then tried to hover on them and was dreadfully annoyed that it did not work. “And that,” he continues, “is still happening to me today: I cannot reconcile reality with idealism.” In the evening, the Battle of Züllichau. He writes to the conductor Herbeck.