Friday, March 5:
Dreamed that my mother had published a pamphlet through Schuré in which she made some scandalous assertions: that I had been besought by the Grand Duchess of Weimar and Princess Wittgenstein to keep my hands off R. and not to carry on the ill repute of my mother. My own worries and thoughts are reflected back to me in this curious mirror!
Rich. at his work; I with the children. At lunch he talks a lot about Wotan and the Wala.
I tell him I believe that, if his friends knew how he was living and what satisfied him, instead of being pleased they would be angry and would despise me. He thinks that is not so, and that, as long as we demanded no active participation from them, we would find them sympathetic. I find that hard to believe. I do not even expect that in later years, when we are all peacefully at rest, my devotion and love will be remembered with goodwill, but my children at least shall know me.
Snow is falling gently and copiously; it gives solitude a shining aspect. How quiet it is here! When have two beings ever before lived for and in each other, so cut off from the world?
From the post office R. brings back the first copies of his pamphlet on the Jews and a letter from Hermine. The children are fairly well, though Lusch has a cough. I am overcome with melancholy. When shall I see them again, when have them again?
While R. reads through the Jews, I look through the catalogue of Herr von zu Rhein’s collection with a slightly heavy heart. When I still belonged to the world, I took great interest in such things. Later, dictation, and then discussed with R. my plan to request that the children visit me for a month.