Thursday, January 15:
“You set a crown on me with your tenderness,” R. says to me early in the morning. “You are the crown not only of my life, but of the whole world as well.” Alas, and I can do nothing for him! He writes Heckel a letter for the Grand Duke of Baden and says, “One does this, but one has no faith, no belief in it all, one does it just so as to have left nothing untried.” At lunch he tells me he dreamed about Emperor Wilhelm, that the Emperor was very friendly toward him, and when R., touched, thanked him in extravagant terms, he reproved him with the remark, “None of this twaddle,” to which R. replied in some consternation; but the Emperor throughout amiable and kind.
Walked to the house. As I am leaving to return home, an old woman stops me and asks whether she may walk across the building site. It was late, Fidi had wet feet, I tried to make her understand that she would gain nothing by walking through, but she was deaf; she went on her way, leaving me with remorse enveloping me like a shadow. Why had I not done as she asked, even if she was mistaken? She did not understand me and must have had bitter feelings about possessions and lack of possessions. Even wearier than she, I dragged myself home, cursing my prudence and my complacency, but above all my suspiciousness. I have no excuse, and feel I should like to atone for it.
In the evening, the Upanishads and Richard III. Before this R. suffered more vexation: the water for the second fountain, dug with great difficulty, turns out to be bad.
Friday, January 16: R. is not well, though the weather has improved. He has too many worries churning around inside him. Both of us in the house in the morning, positioning the Hildebrand water colors. In the afternoon as well, while the children are skating. Fidi, given two pieces of gingerbread there, hands the larger piece to Eva, then gets into a rage about it: “I always have to do that, so that people will say something!” R. copies out his letter to friend Heckel. In the evening continued Richard III and finished the Upanishads. Found Schopenhauer's dream theory in it.