Saturday, July 10:
R. had a very bad night, but he says in the morning, “Lord, how happy I am, in spite of all indispositions.” Worked with the children, then received a letter from Mathilde and answered it right away. She wants to know what to tell people when they ask about me. I: “The truth!”
R. is working hard and is in good and cheerful spirits, though worn out. After lunch to Countess B. with the children. I tell her of the woman who bribed our stableboy to find out things; in reply she tells me of her Munich experience.
In the evening told R. my concern for the children’s future and my intentions; he calms me down and ends with the words, “If I could only give you a heaven on earth!” Thus do I experience here the complete ideal of happiness.
Some words of Loldi’s, of which I tell R., cause him to suggest that I demand a divorce from Hans, but I cannot now make demands on Hans; I have the strength to suffer, but no longer to wound.
“Who never ate with tears his bread, who never through night’s heavy hours sat weeping on his lonely bed, he knows you not, ye heavenly powers!” I should like to have reached the point at which the children could gladden Hans’s heart and I show how I intended it all. Submissiveness—