Tuesday, January 6:
At four in the morning R. comes to me, saying he cannot sleep; since I am also awake, we discuss a circular to the patrons, relating all our experiences, from the Wagner Societies in Vienna to the Crown Prince’s ignoring the theater during his visit, etc. (my father and our other friends), then the decision to abandon the performances entirely, since 1875 cannot be adhered to. R. cables Councilor D., saying he must be told yes or no. A difficult decision!
But at breakfast R. seems downright relieved; he says at five o’clock he even wrote a verse: Since Germany won’t give us the means, I can’t let Hoffmann paint the scenes.
We consider our position here and find it a difficult one. On top of that, Claire writes that my mother is again beset by a mania for spending. Malwida writes, Councilor D. cables, the King refuses to give the guarantee!
In the afternoon to the theater. The problem: how to procure them, how to get money and at the same time not deceive the people. R. first sends a telegram to Heckel; he must be told the truth. The letter from M[alwida] pains us. R. says: “What one can be to others, that they are to oneself; I wish to be loved by this or that woman, want to exert an influence on her, that is really what love means. To engender beauty in another, says Diotima, that is to say, to fill the other with oneself. But to desire another at all costs, even when one is not loved oneself, that is a bestial feeling.” Read Luther. Went to our beds around midnight. The children, merry and cheerful, go sleighing. Feustel thought that if one had not been so intent on keeping to the deadline, one could have built for 30,000 florins less.