Tuesday, June 29:
Long meditation during the night: the sin of having deeply grieved another being cannot be redeemed; no explanation, no excuses suffice for it, and so I have burdened my soul with a great sin. This I will expiate in whatever way I can; it shall work to the advantage of the children and of my beloved. My self-will is broken, broken, too, my self-respect. I recognize that we may not meddle in or resist our fate, but must just bear and bear things as they come.
Just as the fairy tale tells us of little spirits standing by to aid the sorely tried, so do my children stand by me; to love them as they will never be loved again, this my woe teaches me, and the mother's soul is filled with gratitude toward her little ones. For all grief affecting ourselves there is a consolation, but for the grief we inflict on others we find no appeasement.
Still weak; yet I get up. The doctor comes and finds it necessary to consult an eye specialist. A great shock, which is turned to worry by the eye specialist's visit. Siegfried has an inflammation of the cornea! The doctor has never before seen this in a newborn child. I feel this trial as a punishment. Profound sorrow: would my death bring atonement and salvation?