Thursday, October 31:
Up early. R. did not have a good night, but he is in a gentler, meditative mood. We set out at 10 o'clock for the dean's house, where my conversion is recorded in front of the witnesses, Herr Feustel and the mayor; then to the vestry, where I receive the sacrament with R.
A deeply moving occasion; my whole soul trembles, our dean speaks from the depths of his heart. R. is profoundly touched. What a lovely thing religion is! What other power could produce such feelings? We are all in a state of sublime and solemn devoutness. "God is love," the dean says once again. Oh, could I but die in such a spirit, could one remain in it to the end of one's life!
As we embraced, R. and I, I felt as if our bond had only now been truly sealed, that now we were united in Jesus Christ. Oh, may this most solemn of acts have turned me into a new person; may I learn to love suffering, to seek it out for myself, to dispense joy! I am happy, for I have the need to belong to a Christian community, to feel myself a Christian, and to act in that spirit. This has now been vouchsafed me, and I accept my gift with a grateful and remorseful heart.
For me it has seemed more significant almost to have gone with R. to Communion than to the marriage altar. Oh, how kind Fate has been to me! How could I ever have deserved it? Everything is grace: the grace of love, the grace of Heaven.
In the evening Herr Brandt and Herr Brückwald with us; the question concerns the building of the theater lobby. Brandt is always enthusiastic, full of ideas, acutely perceptive, an outstanding man. R. tells them he is confident that the winter will be very productive. May God grant it; I myself can hardly share his confidence, but I do not meddle with my concern. Between noon and evening put away the children's summer things.
Four students from the Conservatoire in Vienna send a telegram, asking R. please to send them money so that they can travel to Munich to see Tristan. Direct and to the point!