Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of May 14, 1869

Overview

After embroidering until four in the morning, Cosima is exhausted while Loulou dictates to Hans and the children try on their herald costumes. Richard works but worries that Cosima is destroying herself with effort, and his evening piano playing overwhelms her into sobbing prayer for Hans, the children, and Richard himself. Letters from Heim and Pasdeloup, including interest in Lohengrin, close the day while Loldi remains unwell.

Content

Friday, May 14:

Since I had no time during the day, I embroidered at night till four in the morning. And I am also very tired on account of it. Loulou dictates to me a letter to her father. Then they go to try on their herald costumes.

R. works, but says jokingly that he intends to write no more tragic things. He is concerned about me and feels I am attempting too much and destroying myself. When he plays the piano in the evening, I am so overcome that I have to sob and pray. A prayer for the man to whom I can be nothing and whose wretchedness arouses such deep pity in me, and for the children, who perhaps will never know how much I have suffered on their account.

R. is annoyed with my embroidery; he believes it is a strain on me. May have to give it up! A letter from Heim in Zurich; Semper was pleased to have received R.'s letter. Letter from Pasdeloup, who now wants to do Lohengrin. "Apres cela j'aurai rendu service a mon pays, en lui prouvant la connaissance meme des etres privilegies qui font la gloire de l'humanite." Loldchen still indisposed.