Sunday, March 17:
R. says he is very tired of composing; he has already done so much, and on the arrival of Siegfried’s corpse he could in fact just write in the score, “See Tristan, Act III.”
We read in the newspaper that Baron von Lerchenfeld has had an audience with the King, and this makes an unpleasant impression on us, since we know the King will certainly not give people confidence in our venture! I write to Clemens. R. works, but is quite indisposed, which makes me disconsolate.
Yesterday he said jokingly to Fidi, “Your youth is supposed to be the support of my old age, but now my old age will have to be the support of your youth.” The weather is splendid; I go for a walk with R., and there is a fine sunset. “All that leaves me indifferent now; maybe the mountains are beautiful, but I no longer notice them. It would be different if we had decided to stay here permanently.” Yesterday he says to me, “Rapture at the sight of the moon and stars is now a bygone thing; we shall encounter it again in the children.”
R.’s indisposition casts a shadow over our whole life. He is spitting up a little blood and his digestion is so bad. He thinks work is a great strain on him. Alas, happy, who is ever happy? Spent the evening quietly with R. Anonymous letter from Bayreuth; the Railas there seem to be behaving badly. Unpleasant impression. Herr Betz writes that Niemann would like to sing the solo part in the 9th.