Dear Minna,
A little light is breaking, and I regain courage to give you an account of myself. I have had a woful time to wade through, which at last has made excessive inroads on my health.
My third concert, on the 11th, yielded never-ending applause, the like of which can scarcely ever have been heard; I strictly might have repeated every single number, but contented myself with three. The house was quite full, too, so that I expected the highest possible taking this time. But the treasury accounts made it only 1350 fl. once more, so that I wanted to institute legal proceedings for palpable theft. I was dissuaded, however (no doubt rightly), and had to resign myself to their having left me at least enough to pay expenses this time; whereas I had had to shell out for both of the first ones, simply because there was no end to the costs (with all their trickeries). — Under such circumstances you may imagine how I felt! The whole thing undertaken for no other purpose than to earn something: and to be plunged in debts instead!!
One may understand my being heartily sick of existence! —
However, I haven't ceased either to hunt for aid or to lay plans for the future.
My results until now are as follows. At Weimar they have accorded me a fee for Tristan and Meistersinger which I am dividing in fairly equal parts with you, your share amounting to 40 louis d'or, which they're to forward you direct from Weimar (God grant they may!). — I go to Prague for a concert next week, for which I'm guaranteed 500 fl. If I find it possible, on the 9th of February I shall also go to Breslau, where they want to pay me 30 louis d'or for a few pieces at a concert. With that I shall try and pay debts and hotel bills, and see how much farther I get. At Petersburg I could earn 2000 silver roubles for 2 concerts, only I should have to be there by the 24th of February. I can't possibly contrive to get this Tristan out by then, tho'; there's no hope of that before about the 10th of March: so another case of — sacrifice! — Steps I took to indemnify myself for Petersburg through an order for the Meistersinger for the Opera here have been rejected; the management is afraid of my local influence, and that I might take it into my head to saddle myself on their back. Nobody bothers about me at Court except the Empress; who was at two of my concerts from beginning to end, but completely alone. —
The only thing to raise my courage is the Tristan practice, which now awakes the highest hopes. Esser's great perseverance and pertinacity have worked wonders: he has drilled the music into intractable Ander like a starling. The Dustmann above all, however, is heart and soul in it; she has moved me deeply, and will infallibly carry the whole audience away. There's no doubt about it any longer, and I count on a great, perhaps an unexampled success. —
As I've no answer from Weimar about Tristan with Schnorrs, I'm in treaty now with Prague for it. I believe it will come to my giving all my operas, and before all Tristan, there with Schnorrs from the middle of May to the end of June. —
Thus far have I extricated myself again, this time: it has cost me — many anxious days and nights! —
Now give me news again yourself soon. But not on yellow paper, — you appear to have forgotten that letter.
Farewell! Kind regards to our friends, and tell them how hard things are going with me.
Best wishes for your health from
Thy Richard.
P.S. That's what goes on in Vienna while I am eating my heart out.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 2 (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1909), No. 266