Dear Minna,
With the greatest difficulty in finding days vacant for concerts, I had chosen New Year's (midday) for my second concert. In spite of the great disadvantages of that day and hour, I had bigger takings than anybody would have supposed; only they didn't quite suffice to cover the enormous costs (which I had been obliged to augment by the supplemental construction of a sounding-board all round the orchestra). This has very much depressed me, as I see I can arrive at nothing even on the path of concert-giving; so I shall give a third concert (next Sunday) in the mere hope of the expected highest takings (— for the second concert's success at any rate was huge!) recouping what I had to lay out on the two first. — Very ailing through sleeplessness and indisposition of all kinds, on the 2nd of January I attended another pianoforte-rehearsal of Tristan, but again was reduced to great hopelessness, for I saw that Ander is in no sort of condition to master the part; I cut whatever I could, but inwardly lost all belief in the thing. — From Weimar I expected to hear something good for New Year; instead I learnt that the intended Court-concert had passed without the Meistersinger overture, whilst everyone keeps silence there. —
Under such circumstances I could find no occasion to acquaint you with anything cheering: — but that you should always put the worst construction on what I do or leave undone, as also on my motives for it, after all is your misfortune; I am used to it. But how you can dream of drawing me to you thereby, would be a marvel to anyone who didn't know you. —
I am still in the greatest uncertainty what I shall do. They are imploring me not to withdraw Tristan. I have recently made a proposal to carry out the Meistersinger for the Vienna company which, if entertained handsomely, might tend to some alleviation of my plight. Otherwise I am hesitating as regards an invitation to Petersburg, to conduct 2 concerts of the Philharmonic society there, which at any rate would bring me in something certain.
You doubtless will now comprehend that I myself am neither lapped on roses nor seated in clover. Nevertheless you may reckon with certainty on further ample remittances from me this month; in spite of all, I hope to smooth your couch completely before long. — I shall write to Herr Arnold, and reprove him for his low remarks. All I beg of you, is to get a legal transfer of the Dresden furniture, etc. drawn up as soon as possible, and I will promptly execute it here. —
Remembrances to Heines, and wish them luck! — Tell Clärchen that I asked Schnorr long ago to invite her to music one day, but it seems Mad. Schnorr is jealous; which — in this case — I should regret! —
Farewell, and if you feel worried and downcast, console yourself with the reflection that I also am reaping no joy!
Best greeting from
Thy Richard.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 2 (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1909), No. 265