Don't be surprised, dear Minna, at my not answering you until to-day: but I should have written to-day in any case. I was at Carlsruhe, to tell the truth, and didn't find your letter till I got back last evening. Unfortunately I can well imagine your having had it so cold, for I thought of you with apprehension even on my small return-journey from Frankfort to Biebrich, when I fairly froze, myself. Since last Friday, however, Spring has put in a sudden appearance; in fact it's so warm now, that I have quite given up fires. Let us hope it will soon travel to your part, and may the milder weather then contribute to restoring you, after the great and varied hardships of your winter trip. I deeply have had to deplore the strange coincidences that became matter for troubling our mood during our brief meeting, but perhaps the most regrettable part of it to me has been the discovery how extremely irritable and unsteady my temper is. That gives me the most food for thought, because I see that it needs a great deal of good luck, success, and cheering transformation of my circumstances, if I am at last to arrive at that calm equanimity I so desire. For the present, however, and after the unparalleled reverses of the last few years, with my acute susceptibility I can only wonder at my holding out at all, or giving breathing-space to hope in any mortal thing. I trust you also will consider that, and take into account my sorrows, the everlasting obstacles that confront my every step, the never-ceasing worries that beset my mind and turn it from its natural occupation. You know, and surely have perceived that, alike inwardly and outwardly, I should be unable to subsist at present without a work in which I can engross myself entirely, and from which nothing shall deflect me. Unspeakably hard as it has proved to me even to win the hearth for it again, let us be glad if I can only get to this work now, and stick to it without disturbance till its termination.
As regards yourself I have the comfort with it, that, so long as I haven't inwardly and outwardly attained an easier position, your life with me midst cares and cramps would be less refreshing to you than an equally undisturbed leaving-alone; nay, your health positively demands that you should stay spared the agitations my now so irritable and impatient temper continually exposes you to — against my best will. I know it, and you feel it in yourself. I am so clear about myself, that I make it my most deliberate aim in general to keep as little company as possible. Nothing save the completest solitude suits me, in such circumstances: then I do not have to speak (which always increasingly heats me), compose myself, collect my wits, and thus regain a mood in which, as you behold to-day, I become gentle and just, and willingly assume the blame for much that I inflict on others when in company. — Let us hope that thus in course of time, during which I am wholly restored to myself by a new and prospering work, I also may recover in other respects through rest and quietness: for sure, a new good turning will appear then in my outward lot, at present so deeply at ebb, and — then we certainly shall also strike the channel to conduct us both to that reposeful life we wish. For our mutual future let us cleave to one experience from these latter days: the motive which impelled you to that arduous journey in the depth of winter, and the heart-felt joy with which I welcomed you — cannot but shew you and myself how it stands with both of us! — If each will now care for himself, his rest, his prospering, at like time he'll thereby care best for the other. —
For the rest, I refer you once more to what I deem the most expedient, and most acceptable to myself as practical upshot of our agreement: namely, that you should settle down with all our household goods in Dresden — on a moderate and modest scale, which in fact we mustn't think of exceeding there, of all places. All else to me seems whimsical and without sufficient ground, new surroundings exciting, old ones on the other hand soothing, especially for yourself. I think of sending you the whole this autumn, placing at your disposal the needful sum for an equipment altogether to your taste, and leaving you to act entirely on your own initiative. After our having always had such bad results when I set up house and you came to me, I really am looking forward to coming to you for a change, and hope it will then have good results for ever, as I am confident I shall not feel too ill at ease with it. Seek out then a dwelling large enough to serve us to the end of our life: if I in future need a spell of total peace and quiet for a major work, no doubt I shall find such a haven in some castle of the Grand Duke of Baden's; or should our circumstances very much improve, one might fit up a little country-box besides, whither I could withdraw for the summer, or even for winter. By which I mean that before fixing on a definitive abode in Dresden, this future outlet must be allowed for, so that we mayn't exceed our means to start with: therefore, something like a raised parterre suite of 3 to 4 living rooms, at a moderate rent: try for one in the Racknitz neighbourhood. How I shall manage coming to you precisely by the time when you've moved in, I know already. —
Perhaps it's premature of me to be indulging so far in these plans and proposals to-day, but you will see what I'm preoccupied with, and that my thoughts are friendly to you; whilst I hope my rough proposals will answer to your fondest wish. —
For the present, alas, I haven't yet got rightly back to rest. You know that even my financial position is giving me trouble again for the moment and a while ahead: I have had to find a means of not approaching Schott again before a certain time, and fancy I've succeeded; so that I may also hope to let you have at least a little more quite shortly. Have no fear about the summer; I can count on Schott for certain then, and you shall lack nothing for your comfort and cure.
Before finally setting to work I much wanted to have another interview with the Grand Ducals, and therefore wrote to him anent the reading of the Meistersinger: for your amusement I enclose the telegram the Grand Duke himself despatched to me forthwith. After spending Friday at Schott's again, I travelled on Saturday to Carlsruhe, was at the Grand Duke's on Sunday, and returned here Monday night. The Grand Duchess had hit upon the idea of surprising me with a performance of Tannhäuser on Sunday evening. I had to miss the first act, as I was at the palace from 3 to 6 o'clock, and then had to get some food before I could go to the theatre: my recitation lasted that length because we had a deal of conversation before and after every act. On this occasion I was also greatly pleased with the young Highnesses again: as they dine at 5, I proposed to break off after the second act, but they wouldn't hear of such a thing, provided I weren't overtiring myself; so they kept their dinner waiting a whole hour, and nevertheless were at the theatre long before myself. Their attentiveness and approval were great: alike the serious and the mirthful made a fine effect, and in the last act their irrepressible laughter made me laugh so much myself, that I was obliged to interrupt my reading. In brief, my success was complete, and I am glad their belief in me has been strengthened in this way afresh, and that they know I'm not yet done for. — For the rest, the Grand Duke didn't seem to have got the length of being able to disclose any results of his promised steps in my behalf: I had to give them my word to come again soon; still, I gained so much trust, that I continue firmly reckoning on the amiable, steady young prince. —
I have weighed it in my mind, how easily I could extricate him from the difficulty if I were to declare myself prepared to accept the Kapellmeister post there: only — I am bound to deem a thing like that impossible for ever. True, I have made it up with Devrient, since he proved to me that Ander had simply fabricated that conversation with him which so annoyed me. But — but: theatre fish remains theatre fish, and whether it's Devrient or Hülsen, the same story holds good; with this artistic management the cause doesn't stand a hair's breadth otherwise than anywhere else. I sat out the performance of Tannhäuser like a lamb on the altar, and let the whole representation pass over me to the secret accompaniment of this one vow: — never to place myself in such a position again! — My God, no: I really should have looked for a shade more common-sense under knowing Devrient's command! Of course he had valid excuses for everything: precisely! that's just the trouble, that such things can be excused at all. No, dear Minna: As far away as possible! remains my ever stronger resolve: I can't abide it! Work, write, and that practically — shall still be my amusement and unique delight; but let them leave me out of their performances. The dearth of thought and talent is too, too great, and were I to keep on interfering, I should simply make enemies all round and anger myself to death. No: tranquillity — solitude! else I cannot hold out! —
However, I mean to have another try with Lohengrin, if Schnorr does come: only, not with Mad. H. as Elsa! — I've told them that. Devrient maintains that she's capital; but he let himself be over-reached by this person at a time of fix, and conveyed her a perpetual engagement at 5000 gulden. And I'm to pay the penalty? No thank you! —
Now fare you well, and treat your poor distended heart to rest. I think I've supplied you enough news for a while: tomorrow, God willing, I shall set to my work at last! — When I returned last night, the little white dog went quite crazy: it was funny to have to view him as a hired chattel of attachment! The charwoman is shaping very well; she is sharp, and does everything tidily. She also made me an egg-bag at once; so, with the aid of the sand-glass, I cook my eggs quite admirably now. In fine warm weather the apartment is truly charming already; they tell me there are so many nightingales here, that it positively deafens one! Good: I'll let myself be deafened! —
Enough of chatter now: nothing else has happened; I have heard nothing from anywhere. Till I've brought them an easy, attractive new work again, I shall regard myself as dead. It's high time: so now to work! I hope you will give me your blessing on it; yourself you need my bringing something off again for once.
So, God be with you! Greet Jacquot, to whom I'm very partial still, notwithstanding he loves me no longer. Think of a Fipsel soon: somewhere about autumn; then we'll christen it together! — Hearty thanks and faithful greetings from
Meistersinger.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 2 (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1909), No. 235