Poor dear Minna,
How inconsolable I should be, if the fresh disturbance in your health had sprung from any wilful or malicious intent of mine, as you appear, alas, to consider yourself bound to believe! Judge what my true intent must have consisted in, when I assure you that even your last letter awoke in me nothing but care for yourself, no other feeling. You fancy I wanted to wound you anew, and just because I again "had a mind to." No, Minna! Rather, I was looking toward our speedy reunion with the honest wish to end the present situation, and therefore fain would see the last dispute between us resolve itself to suavity and reconcilement. The good accounts of your health deceived me as to your inner condition; I believed I had only to dispel a few more clouds: but to my horror I lit on a whole thunderstorm oppressing your heart. I therefore was very imprudent, by all means, as I quite see now, and oughtn't to have touched those subjects in any way, not even with the best intent. It never shall, nor can occur again; be sure of that! Compose yourself accordingly, and however badly you may think about me in the past, please think better of me in the present and future.
Naturally there can be nothing to reply to your last letter itself; it would be unworthy both of you and me, to linger in this evil region any longer. Here the sole course is Oblivion: may it succeed with you as well! On the whole I candidly admit all blame attaching to me, and in particular deplore the sternness in sundry of my remarks to you: on sundry points, upon the contrary, my conscience speaks me free, and above all I regret the resentfulness and want of moderation in your expressions thereanent. But these are no matters for argument; it is certain that you're suffering greatly, and that's enough to make me feel my fault. For your own sake, though, I beg you not to represent to yourself that fault as greater than it is. Recognise this time also, that no hostile object lay at bottom of my last attempts to come to understanding with you, but my fault lies more in my mistake about you, and my incautious handling of you. Fear no repetition even of that, however; this last experience will always be a warning and instructive memory to me. In fact you may venture on it with me again in the future: the last result shall not recur. Through angry statements, accordingly, you'll alter naught in my intentions; for those have honestly no other aim than to make up to you, to the best of my power, for all you have endured, and at hand of the experience of riper years to do you as much good as I can; thus at last to reach with you a level looking back from which you may see in our joint past the points of light emerging brighter, and the darker points quite disappearing in the end. In spite of all and everything, I shall not cease to nurse that hope, or to strive for the attainment of my wish reposed thereon: — and first of all, I beg of you to give me the delight of telling me full soon of your remove to Schandau; I shall judge from that itself that you've already somewhat calmed. For the rest — forget and forgive! 'Tis what beseems good people! —
I also have to fear, though, that you may have taken my last jocular letters amiss again. In your present suffering mood, perhaps they may have made too garish an impression; which would again have been a total failure of my aim. Reassure me on this point as well.
Otherwise I have absolutely nothing to report to you from my extremely monotonous life. I'm working, as much as my cure will allow me; but no other news has reached me whatsoever. — I was on the Rigi yesterday (at last!), awoken by the alp-horn, but also, alas, by the rushing of torrents of rain. I wouldn't force things, and came back again. You may well believe how much my mind was occupied with memories of you, on this ascent; what particularly grieved me, was my having then exposed you to the hardships of an ascent on foot, and to my great reproach I recollect the fearful thumping of your heart on the last climb to the Kulm! How deeply and keenly my wish is strengthened at such moments, to be able yet to shew you many a pleasant reward!
Farewell, and be quite calm about me! A thousand hearty greetings!
Thy R.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 2 (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1909), No. 175