My poor Mutz, only be calm and don't torment yourself with fancied evils! Be gentle, kind and patient; you can't believe what power it gives you over me! Your tears and laments that last night in our house touched me more than any other argument. Even before that, however, I had nothing hostile to you in my mind with my plan for the winter; I even believed it must do you good to divert yourself in Germany, whereas this retirement here, in present circumstances, could bring you nothing but continual fret and worry. Neither did I consider Paris a happy thought for both of us, under straitened conditions — if I produced nothing of mine there — and since you speak no French. However, I've told you that already; so enough of it here! Now I know how differently you regard all that, rest assured I shan't urge you to anything you do not like, or in which you don't concur with me. Do let that suffice you! — I am not going to turn you adrift, please don't think that! — I am entire master of my actions; whether I go or stay, depends upon myself alone. She whom you hate so wishes nothing more than that I should retain this pretty Asyl, even if she never sees or has any other intercourse with me; the only condition, upon the other hand, on which I deem it possible to remain here and wait for my amnesty. Just comprehend, then, with whom you have to do! In truth — as I told you before — by kindness, gentleness and magnanimity, you might have contributed much to making everything easier and more bearable here. It was not given to you then, and I forgive you; but please reflect that only so can you move me to all that is good, just as only so can things in general take a supportable shape in the future. I feel sure it will dawn on you in time, how sound is my advice to you, and how well it would have been if an experienced and sympathetic feminine friend had stood at your side from the first. — I simply tell you this for your encouragement, to corroborate you in your present milder view of things, and at the same time to shew how you thereby prevail over me. —
So do not fret about your journey, either, any more; everything in that respect shall depend entirely on yourself, and I demand nothing of you, just as I likewise have made no fixed plans for myself. —
Tranquilly wait for the end of your cure: I do not expect a sudden total change in your condition; if only the foundation be laid for a gradual improvement, — and you are now on the high road to that. — Your body, which has been quite undermined by the mass of opium and physic, must first renew itself completely; you must get fresh blood and nerves, and that is not done so quickly. Luckily you haven't fallen back on the old treatment, and so are gradually regaining your former strength; whatever you do, tho', you must hold any excitement aloof with all your energy, and to that end — believe me, good Minna — you must also hold your heart itself in rein; in short, become — what I call sensible, realise your position, and remember how entirely different your part in life would be if we had children, perhaps even grandchildren. Plainly imagine yourself in that position, and you will soon find that true repose and dignity which will benefit you so much. Be at ease about myself, however: no doubt you can't quite look into the bottom of my nature, but — believe me — I am not as every person, but have something higher in me whereon I live and feed, and do not need the common, trivial sustenance and distraction of the world! —
The quartettists are to come to me tomorrow evening. I shall coach them nicely up, and when the Bülows are here I'll give you all a real surprise. I shall visit you also next week; until then just keep restful and steady. My complaint, which is never more than periodic, has abated somewhat; I'm hard at work again, and should dearly like to set something in front of me, for which it is time. About the hip-baths another day. Farewell for to-day. Don't touch on the subject discussed any further, if you can help it, but pluck up courage and assurance!
Thy Richard.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 1 (H. Grevel & Co., 1909), No. 134