Good morning, dear Minna!
In good London fashion I have risen at 10, after somewhat restoring myself from the racket of yesterday's concert. So that too is over, and 4 weeks from to-day I depart, to convince myself at Zurich whether you've recovered entirely. Your unexpectedly swift convalescence, or at least your leaving bed again, has been the solitary good experience, and the fondest, I have had of late; it has relieved me greatly, and put me in as good humour as possible. So I give you the testimonial that you have behaved very well this time, and you shall be rewarded for it to the best of my ability at our reunion, especially if I see that you've procured yourself the needful blood again. Let me take this opportunity of assuring you that I can't abide blood-letting; I am convinced you haven't too much blood, and also am of opinion that in inflammatory cases the application of water — by cold compresses — is more beneficial. Now do your very best, as said, to get your blood back; provide yourself with a good appetite and good spirits: I hope the riddance of the money trouble will be a help toward that. You are perfectly right: harassments of that sort are most depressing, and injuriously affect the health; which also was the reason I was so worried and put out myself, when — in spite of my provisions against it — I learnt of your strait. Now I have begged Sulzer — after deducting his last disbursements — to place at your immediate disposal the 1500 fr. for the current half-year, together with the 500 fr. for last Easter, so that you will receive your full house-keeping money down to October 1, and in addition 150 fr. of the 500 fr. extra, of which you have already had 350 fr. for the rent. — So be of good cheer; then blood and courage no doubt will return to you also. —
Yesterday's concert went off as usual; the principal piece was the violin concerto by Beethoven, which Sainton played wonderfully and I got very delicately accompanied for him. For the rest, as regards the applause I have grown accustomed to expecting the opposite of what really ought to be expected. Anything majestic and powerful is always received pretty coldly; anything natty and trite, on the other hand, always gives these people great delight: it seems to be fashionable never to excite oneself, and for God's sake never let oneself be carried off one's feet — it would be against good tone. Certainly it is the most unimpressionable audience in the world, and nobody has any other aim with it, than — to pocket its money; as to which Albert Wagner was perfectly right. They practise the proprieties each time, however, toward myself, i.e. I'm always fairly well received; that goes without saying. — Moreover, the Queen will attend the next concert; which will cost me a white cravat. Prince Albert will draw up the programme himself; I have been told that at least four pieces by Mendelssohn would be played in consequence. Doubtless I shall survive it! —
Last Sunday I had the good fortune to dine with the family Benecke in the company of a number of music-Jews. That entertainment cost me 8 schilling; as all the Sunday omnibuses were full, I had to take a cab there and back (8 English miles each way). Of such are my joys! — Indeed I shouldn't know what else to write you on my humdrum life here; I am always in perplexity what to find to tell you. In return for the wretched 1000 fr. I'm saving by it, this expedition has thrown me far, far back: I inwardly feel so disgraced and maltreated, that I've long since almost lost my artistic belief; it will be a hard job to recover it: with my work — as I've already written you — I am far in arrear. The worst of it is, I have only myself to reproach for it justly; for I alone know this public world of music as no one else can know it, and I alone know my position toward it: consequently, even when everybody else was speaking up for it, I ought to have declined this invitation most emphatically. How free and strong should I then have stood, whereas I now give every vagabond the right to say I never was in earnest with my former views, but simply playing the fox with the grapes. — That will do: what's done, cannot be undone. —
You misunderstood me, if you thought the Riga tailor's son had touched me by his friendliness; on the contrary, it tormented me to find that the fellow had such perfect faith in his claim. His father died a long time back, and among his papers they found an acceptance of mine, which the young man treasured up as an heirloom, and, lighting upon me in London, now hoped to cash. I turned him away, however, as I really cannot remember this debt, though I have a very good memory for everything else. It was disagreeable to me in any case. —
I must beg you for the contents of Pusinelli's letter, as I heard from Fischer that Meser was on the eve of going bankrupt, whereon I begged him to urge my business-creditors to make my property secure. As for that, people all behave like muffs, and from nowhere — so it seems — can I ever learn anything pleasant. Did Pusinelli write reassuringly, then? I should have been glad to learn that, you silly Muzius! — I don't like hearing that you have such confidences with Sulzer that he has told you something with regard to money which you are not to repeat to me; in that case he would have done better also not to make such an absurd remark to you as this distasteful question whether I hadn't been receiving money from the theatres and sending part to you. You did very right to tell me that, and my giving Sulzer an explanation on the point was quite in order. — In your state of health I should scarcely have expected you to be champagning on my birthday, and when you told me of it I was almost horrified; as it did you good, however, I naturally was very glad, above all since I saw that your illness had passed off more smoothly this time. Knackerchen's feather gave me great delight; it was quite an excellent idea of yours and his.
Tell me, you seem to have been wanting to come as far as Paris to meet me? That surprised me! Dearest Minna, I am looking forward to home and to Switzerland, and to rejoin you there will be the most agreeable to myself; unfortunately also, I have been unable to earn enough here to afford a stay in Paris with any pleasure; whilst I dislike the idea of gadding about in Paris again — even with you — just after leaving London. I should much prefer going direct from here to the Seelisberg; yet I gladly consent to a week of home comforts at Zurich beforehand. But let me get over the journey, and set foot in our home, as quickly as possible; and what I should like best, would be for you first to receive me in Zurich itself, where I hope to find rest. To me it has a truly moral meaning, and for God's sake do not seek behind my wish some slight upon yourself, but directly the opposite. I want to be reminded as little as possible of this whole expedition, and can hope to grow mirthful only when at home and with yourself, our animals, etc., I forget this entire metropolitan joust.
But there, I've time enough to tell you all particulars of my arrival. In any case I shall travel back as fast as possible, and my only question is where to sleep a night en route, so as not to reach you too exhausted. So farewell, dear good Minna. Be sure your letters are always very welcome to me, and contribute whatever is possible to bring me a good day! So keep your spirits up; our parting will soon be over now; let us celebrate a right joyful reunion! A thousand salutes and kisses from
Thy R.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 1 (H. Grevel & Co., 1909), No. 94