My poor dear Minna,
You have made me a very mournful birthday-present with the news of your illness! Your last tidings, however, already pointed to your having caught a severe cold, and I almost must deem it as well that the imminent storm is discharging its force in a sound inflammation, which is always better than dragging an uneasy feeling about with one of being inwardly unwell. Thus it was a good thing in the end that you underwent that fever and inflammation before your journey of last year, as you got rid of what was lurking in your system, and then felt so much better at last that I still remember with great joy how well you looked on your return. You will see from these remarks that, to support the bad news, I at once am trying to forecast this case's progress in a favourable light; in which I luckily believe I've hit the mark this time. But I hope you kindly think of sending me oftener than usual a few lines — however few — to keep me posted in your state of health; at any rate do so as soon as this letter arrives, and continue it each day till you can write me that you're quite restored again. To be sure, that thorough restoration is generally a slow affair, because fever always pulls you down and leaves much weakness behind for some time; yet I may hope to find you quite well again on my return, and whatever may still be lacking we shall certainly put to rights together on the Seelisberg, where I am going to behave myself as gently as a lamb this time, am I not? — So — bear up, my dear old Minna!
Unfortunately you have lately received a pair of cross letters from me, and what particularly grieves me is that to-day itself, as I'm writing these lines, you will be getting my last letter, in which I express myself somewhat testily about an enquiry of yours. Ah, child, if you only knew how these silly money difficulties on your side helped to put me out just then; it seemed to me as if one were never to experience anything reasonable and cheering again; which — with all the rest I have to swallow here — gave me a regular fit of the blues. All that has since come straight, however, and if friend Sulzer had only fulfilled his own offer a little more punctually, neither would you have suffered care, perplexity and bother, nor I have needed to give myself somewhat away with Anderson here and with Hülsen at Berlin — which was not exactly to my taste; for Hülsen wrote me yesterday that the money had been despatched before receipt of my reminder, which Sulzer simultaneously confirmed. Don't be angry with me, then, if in such circumstances I was less able to conceal my ill-humour than, out of due regard for you and your condition, I usually endeavour to. No matter, everything's in order now, and I can only wish your health may also soon be quite restored, as it really was my concern for it that most disturbed and nettled me on that occasion. Do give me a thorough good account of it soon! —
I haven't much to tell you of the progress of my life here. Unfortunately my own health is not in the very best order; what plagues me most is weakness of digestion: I greatly miss the tender vegetables you always serve me up so excellently; here I stuff myself with strictly nothing but meat and potatoes, which suits me very badly. I can hardly ever get to sleep before 1 in the morning, and therefore always rise quite late and very peevish; then I stare for long into the cold grey atmosphere, and need an effort to constrain myself to do a little work. For some time past I have been taking cocoa for breakfast again, with rusks, which I've unearthed here at last. When I feel less of a weight on me, for lunch I take a cup of bouillon with an egg; otherwise a small bottle of seltzer water, frequently in fact with milk. Then I slink from the house toward 3 o'clock, prowl about in Regent's Park, where the beautiful ducks and swans form my chief entertainment; hunt up Lüders or Klindworth; and then, if I'm not dining at the former's (with Sainton) or Praeger's, return home to my lonely dinner, which usually concludes my day's work. — Last Sunday I had been invited by Ellerton; his wife (a Lady) still being ill in the country, he entertained me at a club he is member of, where one is very well served. Sainton, whom he had also invited, was unfortunately detained; but besides Lüders and Anderson there were present two old gentlemen, subscribers to the Philharmonic, who seemed very satisfied with me. It is certain I'm making quite a singular sensation here, and my friends say that the actual success of my appearance will only shew up later, perhaps after a few years, when I might even get marvellous orders from here. Thus the Tannhäuser overture seems to have really made more impression upon many people than I believed; Ellerton shewed me, among other things, a letter from a lady of high rank expressing the most rapturous admiration of it. So much, accordingly, seems certain: already I have a small party here that regards me as a heaven-sent wonder, and upon which — as also on the audience in general — the venomous critics, who could almost burst for gall and fury, exert not the smallest influence, or at most an influence in my favour. But alack, I've neither taste nor time to cultivate all this and wait, since I know too well the insufficiency and inappropriateness of my position; whilst this public's true distinctive feature, incompetence for music, repels me far too much. Get to know a thorough English soul, what a wooden creation of God's it is! — On the top of it all I have only to inform you that people in America have been casting strong glances my way, and an enquiry has already reached Praeger from a Mr. Mason, whether I might be prepared to accept the call and offer of several combined societies in New York to present my things there; they hope to let me have the formal invitation in a few months' time. Just imagine the bliss of that prospect, immediately after my return from London to have to set sail again for America! At any rate you would be of the party, would you not? or should we prefer to remain in the Escherhäuser after all? I rather think so. For my own part at least, I am heartily sick of it, so sick that I swear that nothing shall decoy me from my work again; indeed I am not made for this farrago, and should precious soon be done for, were I forced into it. — No, my dear Minna, let us quietly keep to our beautiful Switzerland, attending to health and good temper; and if a contented mind can help toward that, I'll be content in every way henceforward, and gladly not grudge to others their being better off. — Full stop! —
If Klepperbein can make nothing better than such portraits, I should advise him to drop it; I could do as well myself by smearing a handful of ink over the paper. And yet the stupid photograph has touched me: there always is something direct about it that attracts; the outline of your form is plainly recognisable, and it suddenly seemed as if you were standing before me. Peps surprises me whenever I see him again, and so in this picture; it always moves me deeply when I think of the old fellow's being still alive and with us. He doesn't appear to have grown very slim, though; as he lies at your feet there, one remarks his old podgy obesity. I hope you're out of bed again by to-day; if not, how goes it with Knackerchen? Hasn't he come flying into the bedroom again to find you? As soon as you've a little strength again, give Peps a good dig in his fat ribs, in my name, and follow it up with a spank; that will do him good! —
I shall leave here five weeks from to-day, and get to Zurich and my old Muzius on Saturday the 30th June at latest. All details concerning my arrival we will settle later on; we've plenty of time for that, alas! But don't you worry in the slightest as to guests; probably Praeger will be unable to come at all, and Röckel at the outside would only come to Seelisberg for a day. In no case should we put ourselves the least bit out. So — relieve your mind and keep your courage up. The worst is over now, and in general I trust we both have got the worst part of our life behind us! A thousand fervent wishes for your welfare are herewith sent you on his birthday by
Thy Richard.
I have just written a letter to Wesendonck also, — his (which reached this house, remarkably enough, two hours earlier than yours) has given me great and hearty joy; he wrote me very amiably and nicely. Poor devil that I am, though, I couldn't help almost laughing at the purse. —
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 1 (H. Grevel & Co., 1909), No. 92