My dear Minna,
My last letter was merrily worded, not because I felt merry, but simply because I wished to appear so to you. I had previously given you to understand that I should already have thrown up my engagement here if it hadn't been for my regard for you; for I know it would have greatly distressed you, whereas I don't care in the least, for my own part, what the newspapers might have written about my sudden throwing up of that engagement. Not to let my resolution to hold out here for your sake in particular appear too heavy a reproach to you through my laments, I tried to brighten myself up in my letter to you as much as possible; for I saw that you, too, were in need of good humour, and I wanted to contribute to it that way. But unfortunately I now perceive that all my show of mirth could do, was to embitter you against me, and that for reason of a money trouble so acute that it even affects your health anew. Of course I shouldn't dream of making that a reproach to you, and I must admit your perfect right to feel bitter; only, you do wrong to lay the blame for the present dilemma on me. As I foresaw that no fees would be coming in from theatres just now, at the very commencement of my being here I wrote to Sulzer that I meant to try and raise the whole amount of my fee for the concerts on a promissory note — with Praeger's assistance — in order at once to send you out of it the money needed for your keep at Zurich. Thereupon Sulzer wrote and begged me on no account to do so, particularly since it was unnecessary for your sake, as he could assure me he had already prepared himself to supply from his own pocket whatever you needed during my absence. That wouldn't have eased my mind, however, had not the prospect at the same time opened to me of receiving the advance of 100 L. d'or from Berlin, which — as I begged you at once to tell Sulzer — I should direct to be forwarded to the latter. Finally, a month from to-day I received consent to that advance, and the receipt demanded for it went off to Berlin the selfsame day, together with my instructions to despatch the money to S. forthwith. Consequently you will agree with me, I hope, that I was justified in feeling at ease about your situation, and in believing I had done everything needful for your security. That Hülsen should not have sent the money even to this day, I certainly couldn't have anticipated from a gentleman so extolled to me as supremely handsome in his dealings; your latest information, however, with your assurance that Sulzer has left you in the lurch despite his protestations, sufficed to induce me to get money from Anderson at once so as to send Sulzer a bill of exchange for 1000 fr., which will have reached Zurich as I write these lines to-day, I hope, and thus have put a thorough stop to your dilemma. I am also expecting a reply from Hülsen during the next few days, and if I don't hear that the 100 L. d'or have arrived at Zurich within a fortnight, I shall ask for money again here after the 6th concert, to forward to Zurich.
— As for my life here, the worries of your situation (deeply felt by me, in truth!) inspire you with a bitterness which renders you unjust to me. It would be most foolish to want to pay you out in kind, but just to guide you away from that injustice — for your own sake — I again must repeat to you that you are under a mistake about my style of life here. In that regard I must confess it needed nothing save a money fix to do for me completely. I lead the dreariest, most melancholy and lonesome life one can conceive, and — which is the worst of it — with neither aim nor profit. Moreover, the smallest attempt at distraction always sets my budget in disorder; a thing which those alone can comprehend, however, who are really acquainted with London and can allow for a heap of expenses which nobody leading a life like that at Zurich, for instance, can form the least idea of. Do not expect me to go into everything here; in due season you shall hear it all by word of mouth. Only thus much: whenever I have visited a theatre, e.g., it has cost me 5 schill. each time — not counting omnibus; when I have been invited to the Italian Opera — gratis — I have always had to fetch Mad. Hogarth and daughter (in whose box I sat) and escort them home, the cab-fare costing me exactly 5 sch. again. The transaction for the remittance to Sulzer cost 5 sch., and the cab-fare (twice — since everything is shamefully dilatory and complicated — especially for foreigners) another 5 sch. — If I buy a fresh supply of stamps — especially for business letters to Germany — I have to put upwards of ½ a pound down; 22 cigars cost me 6 sch. When I lay in a fresh stock of provisions, ham or wine, it promptly runs into pounds. It is so cold here, that I still consume 4 schillings' worth of coal a week, etc., etc. — In brief, I've given up all thought of more extensive outings, to the country, the sea-side, or suchlike, and hereby declare that I shall bring back 1000 fr. of money saved, but not a penny more: whoever understands it better, let him go to London in my place next time; a pleasure I accord him with all my heart! To be sure, I've provided myself with sundry articles, and in particular a whole new suit; you also are to have your little presents: but this itself only becomes possible through my throwing in a small fee for my Faust overture from Härtels with which I had intended to surprise you — as a gift. As said, whoever understands it better, let him come next time in place of me; I cannot manage otherwise, and there's an end! — The Tannhäuser overture went quite beautifully at yesterday's concert; when it was over, the first thing I heard was loud hisses from a single person, but then it was applauded fairly well, although the hissing was kept up by one or two. Besides a Mozart symph., we had the Pastoral symph., which went quite passably, a half-hour pianoforte concerto by Chopin, 4 vocal pieces, and to wind up, the overture to Preziosa. I need say no more about this concert. The Frankfort correspondent in the Zurich Tageblatt might be corrected to the effect that the dissatisfaction is not "mutual," but confined to myself; the Directors have no inkling of it, and the concert audience, on the contrary, is said to set much store upon me, though it certainly might prove it somewhat more adroitly than appears to be good English tone. Thus much is certain: there was a large attendance yesterday, and the room for the first time was packed: this was generally attributed to the interest in my compositions; possibly that is so. For the rest, these concerts, with all that comes to light there, are a penance to me, and I will keep silence to-day on the bitterness that often fills me to the point of nausea. Enough — I shall conduct 3 concerts more, and 6 weeks from to-day I depart; God grant I may find all well at Zurich, and that your own atrocious cares don't further undermine your health! It only needed that as climax, that one should fret oneself to death about these cares. Of a truth, dear Minna, we've — no luck! Just as everything always turns out as badly for us as it possibly can, so with this Berlin Intendant once more; who could have foreseen such remissness! Instead of my considering you quite well provided for, at this very moment you are in the most objectionable straits: I should like —! But we shall see. — I have nothing further to communicate to you to-day; it isn't worth the while. Sainton (a Frenchman), Lüders (a Hamburger), and Herr and Frau Praeger (the latter French, and far advanced in pregnancy) send you their kindest regards; they came to my rooms after yesterday's concert, and devoted much good will to helping me rectify my not particularly rosy mood. All that dissatisfies them, is that every day of my sojourn here should not be turned into a festival of thanks for the extraordinariness of what I offer people; and if things went according to their mind, I should be carried round in triumph all the while. This time Herr Ellerton took me to the concert in his carriage; you should hear him speak about his fellow-countrymen! He also is the first and only Englishman who thinks nothing of Mendelssohn; something quite new to me. —
Give our friends my best regards. Tell Mad. Stockar I'm very curious to see her new watercolours, as to which you write me such extraordinary things.
I hope to learn from your next letter that my bill of exchange has arrived, and — better furnished with money — you are now in better humour also. What you write me about the bad effect upon your health, worries me more than I can tell you! At any rate don't trouble on the score of visitors; probably nothing much will come of it, and they shouldn't prove a load to you at all. So farewell, poor good Wife; restore yourself, and make me happy with good tidings of your health! Greet Nette, too, and rest assured — I am leading no life of pleasure here, but looking forward to home in every respect! Farewell,
Thy Rich.
Hearty greetings to Sulzer. I send him best thanks for his letter: but tell him, as concerns the philosophic part of it, I've racked my brains to find its application to my words; and as for England's decadence, I had simply listened to the song which the birds on the eaves all sing here, the text whereof is most indifferent to me on the whole.
Give Boom my greetings too.
Source: Richard to Minna Wagner: Letters to His First Wife, trans. William Ashton Ellis, Vol. 1 (H. Grevel & Co., 1909), No. 90