[...] Of course, there was no question of rest and enjoyment in Weimar. People crowded from far and near to see me again—or for the first time. I really had to tell my life-history to a fresh person every half-hour. Despair at last gave rise to my old mad mood, and everyone was delighted with my jocularity. Only I dared not be serious, because I can never be so now without almost dissolving in emotion. [...]
I feel more and more as if I had come near the end of my life's journey; its goal has long been out of the question. [...] I care for nothing and have faith in nothing! Only one thing touches my heart—when others weep with me!—Well, dear Hans has done that, and Liszt also! And my kind old friend, Mme. Frommann, came and helped me! Another thing that helped me to endure, was that people often praised my courage and spoke to me of wonderful glories to come. Accordingly, I parted from Weimar in friendly fashion, and in particular took with me a very charming remembrance of Liszt, who is also leaving Weimar (where he can make nothing thrive), and is going out to meet a future uncertain for the moment. His Faust gave me really great delight, and the second part (Gretchen) made an unforgettably deep impression on me. I was very grieved that all this could only be performed in the most mediocre fashion. Everything had to be settled at a single rehearsal and Hans, who conducted, did wonders to make the performance endurable.
And so, ultimately, all the sacrifices of the fortunate Liszt have come to this—that he could not get from this miserable world the ordinary means for a good performance of his own work! How this realisation confirmed me in my abnegation! [...] I saw exactly how it was with these princes from whom I have felt compelled to expect something, more or less, for a considerable time. I know now that even the best of them, with the best will in the world, cannot possibly do anything for me, [...]
Well, I have been in Vienna for some days. A kindly enthusiast, Dr. Standhartner, has taken me into his house for a few weeks while his family is away. After that I must see what I can do next. Perhaps I shall find someone else to take me in! Unfortunately, my tenor, Ander, has something wrong with his voice and the study of Tristan is thereby delayed. [...] The people here are good to me, but not one of them really knows the danger I bring them into with my Tristan, and perhaps it will become impracticable when once they discover this. Isolde alone [Frau Dustmann] (I went through her part with her a little recently) guesses the state of things. How horrified they will all be if I tell them frankly some day that they may have to share my ruin!
Up till now I can bear witness that I have never intentionally betrayed anyone. When the management of the theatre asked about terms, I could not possibly ask for money, but simply stipulated that for four weeks before the proposed first performance my singers and the orchestra should be well provided. This gives me the necessary composure. [...]
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Vol. 2, selected and ed. Wilhelm Altmann, trans. M. M. Bozman (J. M. Dent & Sons, 1927), No. 497