You are a dear good fellow and, believe me, I feel your extraordinary interest in me very deeply. But I almost despair of its being possible to help me! My life is an ocean of contradictions from which I can only hope to emerge by death. What have you not done for me already to help and ease my lot! And yet again and again it all proves insufficient. [...] Zurich itself has become intensely wearisome and oppressive to me, owing to intimate social conditions which rule me even in my very house and to which I cannot give my bent, and I must confess that nothing in the place gives me any pleasure. I could turn my back on Zurich now as coldly as I once left Dresden; though I have spared no exertion, no self-sacrificing zeal here only to learn at last that here, as there once upon a time, all my sacrifices have been utterly fruitless and have not so much as procured me the satisfaction of finding the traces of my actions in any single thing. Zurich, then, is still simply a place on the map to me; but as such, or as a mere place of refuge, the only kind of social intercourse left me here has rendered it particularly distasteful to me. I feel it is time to break with this portion of my past, and I would do so—I admit it frankly—with the coldest indifference, had I not forged one link here unlike anything in my life before. It is the bond of gratitude and most heartfelt friendship to your household. You may believe, as I love the truth, that this is no empty compliment. The boundless forbearance and continual untiring proofs of interest which you bestow upon me must proceed from some deep source of sympathy between us (despite so many differences of character), rarely to be met with in life. Please see in this assertion my sole reason for hesitating as to what to do and what I ought to decide.
[...] Ought I not to see, after repeated experiences of the great difficulties of my position, that this burden will grow too heavy for you?—Indeed, I think it is time to make up my mind clearly and to consider how the load may be divided, at least. Only, where should I place the true centre of gravity? At Weimar or in my refuge with you?—It seems to me impossible to refuse to take advantage of the favourable dispositions of the Court at Weimar to the easing and betterment of my pecuniary affairs, and this consideration is imperative for me in view of these everlasting petty worries. Yet could I enter into obligations which would permit me to enjoy my refuge with you (I no longer say Zurich) undisturbed, my dearest wish would indeed be fulfilled. [...]
The future will shortly decide me as to what I may expect. Perhaps things will turn out so that I can spend the winter in Weimar and the summer with you. [...]
Source: Letters of Richard Wagner, Vol. 1, selected and ed. Wilhelm Altmann, trans. M. M. Bozman (J. M. Dent & Sons, 1927), No. 314