Dear Anton!
If you knew how sad it makes me, never to receive favourable news of the assigned publishing business. Your last communication urged me to bear in mind that I must not intervene any more in the affair, because I might thereby give my opponent the excuse for being evasive: and yet, in the end, I had to address myself to this person, because I was formally requested, through Kriete, to speak forcibly to Meser. Now I very gladly leave this only to your lawyer, and I undertake strict silence for myself. Friend Fischer informed me, not long ago, of Meser's death, with the idea that this news would make me decide to take steps in Dresden; naturally, however, I left all this to your lawyer, who, being on the spot, was certainly in a position to do whatever was best. Still, I believed that soon — perhaps through your kindness — I should have some news; instead of which, I have just received another threat from Hiebendahl to sue me here for the debt for which at one time he agreed to be referred to that publishing venture. How much badness must I perceive in this!! — Really, it is hard to find myself treated as I am by Hiebendahl in the face of the misfortune which has overtaken me in regard to this anxiously guarded, sole property of mine. I am living here abroad really on nothing but the kindness of a few people who are friendly towards me, since I am quite without earnings: my profits from the theatres, which will soon also come to an end, have only served to provide me with a home again, after wandering about like a refugee for years, and at the same time to permit the change of residence, etc., necessary for my health's sake. In spite of this, I am still always in debt, and I assure you that I could not think of making ends meet, without some assistance. Hiebendahl's claim (for the principal) is a matter of only 300 thalers, altogether, and presumably he has lost patience at having to wait so long for this small sum. Dearest, best friend, would it not be possible for you to satisfy this insistent fellow on your part, or to make some kind of arrangement which will satisfy him? I cannot repay him out of my receipts: also, I had regarded Hiebendahl as settled with, since he duly accepted that assignment, and, to those friends on whose assistance I am living now, I represented his account as having been discharged. Oh my Lord, hasn't the publishing of Tannhäuser alone yielded any profit as yet? In view of all the sensation which this opera is making everywhere, this is quite impossible! Is this now all in vain, and does everything regarding the receipts from it still remain as before?
I beg you to give me a prospect that is consoling, and relieve me of this coarse fellow, Hiebendahl! You have no idea how much these ever recurrent misfortunes exhaust me — now, when I need to have life made as easy to endure as possible, in order to have the courage and inclination to complete my great work — even though my health becomes more and more troubled and violently affected. I have passed half this winter in bed; my hopes are centred on the spring and summer: if only I could some day find real peace! — With much pain I have at last finished The Valkyrie: it is more beautiful than anything else I have ever written — but it has exhausted me fearfully. — If I can now get some degree of relief, light, and peace, then I hope to compose Young Siegfried this summer. But peace, peace! Otherwise, I shall never endure it.
Forgive me this digression! I know that no one wishes me more good than you! If all goes well and I keep alive, then — in the summer of 1859 — my completed work ought, I think, to be shown to the world, in the form of a great Dramatic Festival, probably in an expressly constructed provisional theatre in Zurich; certainly I may hope to welcome you here then; how it would please me to embrace you once more! — Now farewell for today! Remember us both to your dear little wife, and think with affection of
Your old friend,
Richard Wagner
Please give my best regards to poor Kriete, who is truly patient, humane, and generous.
In order to make the business still quite profitable, the Flying Dutchman shall also do its utmost: I have indications that it too will still circulate. Also, in the future, I shall no longer think of being opposed to Rienzi and its production, concerning which inquiries have been made of me.
Source: The Letters of Richard Wagner to Anton Pusinelli, trans. and ed. Elbert Lenrow (Alfred A. Knopf, 1932), No. 10