The worst is over. I will not dwell on the history of my last month; that sort of thing is only fit to be forgotten! It was no use at last; I had to urge my diplomatic friends here to some seriousness. With toil and trouble — but much good will (as I can but testify) — the first necessities were furnished, and I am happy to say that my wife marked little of my real distress. After we had lived through four more ghastly days in the rooms, she set off comfortably a fortnight since, with the parrot. The Prussian ambassador invited me to be his guest for as long as I still must stay in Paris, which I willingly accepted — particularly on account of the beautiful garden with high trees and black swans. I am treated as one of the family, have my grand piano in a lovely, lofty salon, and could make myself fairly at home if only the friendly signs I yet may meet were not almost too late in coming! Beyond a fleeting ease — especially engendered by the pleasing absence of noise — no sense of wellbeing of any kind will abide with me. My eyes are always full of tears, and the whole affair seems more empty and oppressive to me every day! Alone, to be quite alone, is finally my only refuge.
Der fliegende Holländer is progressing but slowly in French; ready or not ready, I am determined to depart on Monday evening. I shall bid my wife adieu again at Soden for a day. Gladly would I get out of Liszt's invitation, but I hear that it would make him utterly miserable if I didn't come. Then on to Vienna, where I probably shall stay a little longer. If I cast a look at my Tristan score, as yet I can't deem the thing possible!
So you must comfort yourself, dear good lady, with my having escaped the extreme once again. That I have left much behind me, I alas! feel more and more; two precious years have been clean squandered, and I feel extraordinarily weary. But what I have lost for art, perhaps I have won for life, a last and deeply-graven lesson: not to try and force what will not fit.
Farewell, and remain ever friendly to
Your
R. Wagner.
Till August 6, Weimar. Then Vienna, k.k. Hofoperntheater.
Source: Richard Wagner's Letters to Wesendonck et al., trans. and indexed by William Ashton Ellis (Grant Richards, 1899), No. 48