My dear Peter,
I am trying to sort out my affairs, so that I know for certain what I own and what I shall have to resign. I have now reached a stage in my life when this is demanded of me: I must organize my peace of mind, whether it be - as I say - by owning possessions or by resigning them.
I have told you repeatedly that everything has been carefully arranged here for your arrival: the two of us, and anyone else, can live here side by side, completely independent of each other, each free to get on with his own work, or to follow his own inclinations, yet with the possibility of being able to enjoy each other’s company whenever we like. Your piano, which will not disturb me, is already here: there is a box full of cigars waiting for you in your room etc. This, dear Peter, is keenness for you! It demands a reciprocal gesture, or else - it will turn very sour. - You have not yet sent me a single line in response to all the reports I have sent you, but, instead, you have asked H. Porges to tell me that you are sorry you cannot come, since you are planning to spend the next 3 months revising your “Cid”, and must therefore remain in Vienna. -
What would you advise now, dear Peter - that we should discuss this strange behaviour of yours, or that we should say nothing? - I am almost tempted to think that silence is better, since - quite clearly - there is something you wish to hide here which will not become any clearer by being discussed but, on the contrary, can only be distorted and stifled. - All life’s decisions are ultimately the result of involuntary impulses: we are attracted and repelled by a thing in spite of all that we may otherwise adduce to the contrary. When I ask myself in what way this impulse has already found expression in your relations with me, the result of my disquisition is not to my liking. Exactly 2 years ago today I was eagerly expecting you in Biebrich: for a long time there was no news, until I suddenly discovered through a third person that you had allowed Tausig to drag you off to Geneva. You never really discovered how deeply that upset me.
I shall not allow anything like that to happen on this occasion, but we must discuss the matter openly as man to man. -
I simply cannot accept your reasons for not wanting to entrust yourself to me, given my concern for your being able to work here in peace. A year ago you left Vienna and went to Munich in order to work there in peace. I, too, intend to work here now: but I can no more see how my Mastersingers could disturb your Cid than the other way round. Quite the opposite, for what motivates me is my concern for you & your work. And - I can say so quite openly - I should very much like to be able to offer you my advice, sincerely and honestly, when you come to revise your opera. But if you wish to avoid this, - well, that is a question of will, and, certainly, there is nothing more that can be said on the matter.
But I was no doubt wrong when I said that you went to Munich a year ago the better to be able to work; perhaps you also went there because you longed to get away from Vienna. I feel as though you have already admitted as much. Perhaps it is for the opposite reason that you now find it difficult to leave Vienna. Well, when our hearts bid us act in a certain way, there is nothing we can do about it. I only hope on this particular point that, in doing as your heart bids you, you at least feel happy and confident. If not, then perhaps you will now heed a friend’s advice and, if necessary, not give in so easily in the future.
In any case, I should prefer you to display a more open attitude towards me. In the light of my own keenness, your present behaviour is nothing short of insulting, and - I already feel it as such.
And so, dear Peter, you must not hold it against me, now that I am having to sort out my affairs, if I tell you straight out the conclusion to which my conflicting emotions have led me.
Either you accept my invitation without delay, and settle down with me for the rest of your life’s days in a kind of genuine domestic union with me.
Or - you scorn me, and thus expressly repudiate my desire to bind you to me. In the latter case I in turn repudiate you completely and utterly, and shall certainly not include you in whatever arrangements I may make for my life in future. -
It will, and must, depend upon the degree of trust you show me in informing me of your reasons, whether we are destined to see each other as friends in the future.
One thing will be clear to you from all this - how much I need peace and quiet. For this I must know for certain where I stand: my present relationship with you torments me dreadfully. It must either become complete, or else break altogether! -
I hope you will see from the seriousness with which I interpret my relations with you that I feel anything but contempt in this matter!
Sincerely yours,
RW.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 302