My dear and deeply revered friend,
Karl is leaving tomorrow to convey his best wishes to you on your birthday. It makes me very happy to think of his return; I feel as though he will then be bringing you yourself back with him, so greatly do I value the power of personal contact! Get him to tell you all about me. He brings with him a thousand heartfelt wishes from me.
Your kind letter caused me a great deal of embarrassment, since it made me see how embarrassing you yourself must have found it to tell me something I ought no doubt to have spared you. That you had suffered losses I had no means of knowing. But even without this information, I had been hoping from one half-year to the next that I might find myself in a position to send you satisfactory news about myself and ask you, of my own accord, to put an end to the sacrifices which your dear family has been making on my behalf. When you renewed your remittance at Easter last year, I naturally took it as a token of your unshakeable concern for me, but it was also of great value inasmuch as I was then having to defray the costs of occupying the little plot of land which I had desired so much up to that time, and on which I had used up all my resources. I had a difficult year up to last Easter; my revenues, which unfortunately are always a matter of chance and impossible to calculate, failed me completely for a time, and furnishing the house, in addition to laying out and maintaining the garden, cost so much more than I had estimated that it was not until last summer, when some decent revenues came in, that I regained my balance, so to speak, discharged all that I owed and, with good prospects ahead of me, was looking forward to the time when I would be able to set something aside for less auspicious times and thus ask you, gratefully, to withhold your subsidies for the present. I confidently predicted being able to do so by the beginning of next year, and was genuinely looking forward to announcing as much to you. My sudden departure from Zurich has again placed me in a much altered position. The fittings and furnishings that we had just finished paying for were now completely useless; several thousand francs which I had set aside for living expenses now had to be used to pay for these unforeseen changes; current bills that fall due in the New Year now became a matter of urgency, and my dream of a well-ordered existence quickly turned into what - for a time - was a most disagreeable reality. Next year, however, I am expecting decent returns which should more than meet my needs, notably as a result of the appearance of Tristan; but just at present I am very hard-pressed, the more so since my hopes that Rienzi would spread rapidly have now been dashed. This, then, was the moment to help, and your most kind offer to make the annuity available to me once again next year has helped me - thanks to Karl’s mediation - out of my present predicament. And so for next year I shall again make demands on your kind help, and believe that in return I may give you the well-founded assurance that by next year you will see me in a position where I can thank you for evermore.
Thus, my dearest of friends, the sacrifices which you have made, thanks to your unique and enthusiastic concern for me, will have achieved their intended aim in the noblest sense of the word. You have not only protected me and kept me personally independent, but, more especially, you have preserved the mood of courage, freedom and, I may add, of aesthetic contentment that I need to work creatively, irrespective of whether my works bring me rewards or not. During this time my attitude towards the outside world has been shaped by the increasing recognition that has been shown me, to the point where all that is now required is my amnesty for me to be fully conscious of the fact that I am master of my own fate and, more especially, of my external circumstances. Here, too, I have every hope that a decisive change will take place next year, and that this will then provide me with the good fortune of being able to see you again and to tell you in person, face to face, what you have been to me during this long and fateful period, what you have contributed to the development of my character as a whole, and how I shall be eternally grateful to you for all that you have done. -
My most sincere and heartfelt congratulations on your birthday!
A thousand good wishes from
Your most loyally devoted
Richard Wagner.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 226