My dear, kind Frau Ritter,
So rarely do you receive any sign of life from me; and yet there is no one for whom I feel a more inviolable sense of veneration than for you, my most loyal benefactress! At the passing of each new phase in my life, when, searchingly and silently, I finally feel at peace with myself again, I then look round for you as though for the source of some better life, in order to compose my thoughts and ask myself whether I am worthy of such great love. The sense of yearning that drives me to seek refreshment in your sight and in the tender words that speak directly to my heart then turns to deepest sadness, and tears flow freely down my face when I recall that final fearful glance with which your eyes met mine when we said farewell to each other, such that I must now feel cut off for ever from the elevating power of your concern for me! - As things stand at present, it now seems likely that sooner or later the Grand Duke of Weimar will procure permission for me to visit my friends there. I hope that when this happens I may finally be able to greet you again! Indeed, this hope is one of my most important reasons for wishing to receive the Grand Duke’s dispensation as soon as possible. Otherwise there is little for me to do in Germany, especially now that Liszt has promised to visit me again each year without fail. It must be said that my only desire is for peace of mind, something which I need from every point of view if I am to prosper. I can never again belong to the real world; I gladly regard myself as dead; all that I long for is the undisturbed leisure for artistic work. Even Liszt’s visit, which on this occasion was noisier and more turbulent than I would have wished as a result of the presence of the Princess, tired me almost as much as it raised my spirits. In addition I had to put up with a certain unpleasantness right at the outset, when Liszt’s extraordinarily violent behaviour so offended Karl that the latter - in spite of Liszt’s propitiatory advances - could not get over the insult, but avoided our company for the rest of the visit. This saddened me very much. [...]
I have an important favour to ask of Emilie: Liszt has told me certain things about Jessie which have greatly aroused my interest. She is in the process of reordering her life along independent lines by setting up an educational establishment, and she has even appealed to Liszt to help her in achieving this aim. What I would now ask Emilie to do is to let me have precise information about J.’s most recent past and this surprising turn of events which seems to have taken place in her life. If it were possible that J. might have developed sufficient strength to break free from an unworthy dependence (as far as this concerns her husband), there would be no one who owed her more heartfelt sympathy than I myself; indeed, I might even claim to have been put to shame by her. I am still not entirely clear in my own mind about the tenor of her unfortunate letter to Karl (in June 1850) which was bound, of course, to turn me against her. It would be very consoling for me to be able to offer J. my hand as a friend, now that violent passion no longer clouds our relationship. You will, of course, see in this request to my dear Emilie no more than an honest wish on the part of a man in need of peace and desirous of reconciliation, who would like to be able to reap the fruits of a lasting friendship from a passing storm of passion! - A thousand greetings to Emilie! And to you, my glorious, incomparable friend, all the blessings in the world for your noble heart! Fare you well, and remember with all your old affection your eternally grateful
Richard Wagner.
My wife, whose health is often a cause of great concern to me, asks to be remembered to you with the most dutiful affection & gratitude.
Has Karl told you of my future “Tristan” and “Victors”?
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 194