Best of friends,
I really ought not to write to you today, since I am unwell and out of humour; but it had long been my intention at least to send you my good wishes for the New Year and so I shall see, as best I can, whether I can carry out my resolve. -
Above all I must thank you for your obliging news about Uhlig: I knew that you were the best person to turn to. As to the object in question, there is unfortunately little to say: only time will tell how things turn out. Uhlig’s illness is a severe blow to me: it robs me of my only link with the outside world; since I exist exclusively through the intermediary of the postal services, Uhlig’s enforced silence virtually deprives me of that existence.
The negotiations in which I am now engaged with various German theatres seemed initially as though they might bring some sense of excitement to my life; unfortunately they, too, have proved to be no more than a further source of torment for me. This eternal correspondence on the subject is tiresome to a degree, and the only possibility of my becoming reconciled to my present situation — however superficial such a reconciliation might be - would be if I myself were able to attend the occasional performance of one of my operas. But I was guilty of a gross inconsistency in allowing those performances to take place: what drove me to do so was not only my need to exist in my present circumstances, but also a certain lack of concern about my earlier works in which I can now take only an artificial interest and which I really cannot imagine wanting to save up for the “future”, since it is already much too late for that. But on the whole I have retained the right to allow only those performances to take place where I have encountered some friendly soul who is well disposed towards me, in order, so to speak, to make contact with my true friends, undisturbed by the multitude of onlookers. Indeed, I have had a number of most encouraging experiences in this respect: in Breslau especially, I seem to have won many friends; you may have heard that they performed Tannhäuser there for the twelfth time on the 1st December and that the house was as full on that occasion as it had been for the previous eleven performances. On their own initiative, they have now hit on the “Flying Dutchman”, which they shortly intend to present there. This same opera is also being rehearsed right now in Schwerin. In Wiesbaden there was - by all accounts - an admirable performance of Tannhäuser. However, in other places where the full score has been demanded, performances have yet to take place: I now tremble for Frankfurt where all the signs are that the performance will be a bad one. With regard to Berlin I wish I could make up my mind to demand the return of my score from there, since I have absolutely no faith in a performance taking place in the city. - On the whole, the sanguine hopes which were aroused in me last autumn by the sudden rush of orders have now begun to dwindle somewhat: it looks as though performances of my operas will remain only isolated phenomena, and that I shall certainly not make my “fortune” in this way. It was then that I conceived the idea of using the expected pecuniary benefits from my operas for my own ends and of carrying out a long-cherished ambition of mine to acquire a small plot of land: in consequence of this I had to make enquiries of you to find out what the reaction of your dear family would be to this idea, in view of the annuity which had been granted to me; did they intend to support me with it for only a short period, or for the rest of my life and as long as your financial situation allowed? For it goes without saying that only on the latter assumption could I have thought of using my theatre receipts for the purpose indicated. The answer sounded reassuring. Since that time, however, my hopes in the other direction have once more dwindled to such an extent that I was almost forced to abandon the project, in spite of the fact that a young and well-to-do merchant by the name of Wesendonk, who lives in these parts and who is friendly with me, has shown great kindness to me and an almost entirely unprompted willingness to offer me the advance which I need to acquire a plot of land. I feel all too keenly that my acceptance of such an offer would place me in the dreadful position of having to instigate performances of my operas at any price and that, as a result, I should have to renounce the right, which it is necessary for me to retain, of agreeing to the desire and demand of only those theatres where I can predict a decent success in my sense of the word. In addition - as I say - my operas are by no means selling as well as initially appeared to be the case, and I think I would do well to be equally prepared for total silence on the part of the theatres as for a possible increase in demand. - In such circumstances I feel more keenly than ever before the value of your family’s gift: for it is this annuity alone which guarantees my freedom and ensures that I derive the greatest possible pleasure from all that I undertake. Permit me to assure you once again that I regard the product of your concern for me as the greatest boon ever to have befallen me.
[...]
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 155