[...] You had in truth taken such excellent & exhaustive steps that at the end of 2 weeks I thought I would be able to write and inform you how well everything had turned out. In the mean time, however, I have discovered afresh that in Paris even the Dear Lord himself would find it difficult to enforce his will quickly & without opposition. The chief problem was Antenor Joly’s imminent bankruptcy, which he himself had virtually conceded & which robbed him of every desire and every means of becoming involved in such an affair as my own. Wondrous, however, are the workings of fate. With marvellous foresight you had already assigned me your friend Herr Gouin. I must confess that, if ever there had been any alternative to your own personal intervention, it could only have been through Herr Gouin. How deeply it moved me to discover anew what an admirable person you yourself must be, that a man must feel himself drawn towards you to form the sort of friendship that persuades him to show so generous a sense of self-sacrifice as Herr Gouin has shown in espousing the cause of a total stranger who, did he not enjoy the advantage of having been recommended by you, could not otherwise have inspired the remotest interest.
Joly’s bankruptcy had already caused me to lose heart when Herr Gouin suggested the idea that, since such admirable measures had already been taken & since I had singers at my disposal who were ready to perform something of my own composition, I could still derive the best possible advantage from this in order to effect an introduction to various persons of influence. Herr Schlesinger had already introduced me briefly to Herr Édouard Monnais; - my singers were those from the Opera; - why, then, not make use of all this? - Herr Gouin asked Herr Monnais to agree to my holding the audition in the opera house foyer; - the effect which the name Meyerbeer had on him in the course of this exchange is something you will be able to judge when I tell you that Herr Monnais gave his immediate consent, nay, more than that, - he even prevailed upon Herr Scribe to attend the audition. Herr Habeneck had in fact already pointed out to me that, if I were able to impress myself favourably upon an author such as Herr Scribe, this would be my best means of achieving anything; he knew in fact that the Opera administration wishes to have shorter 1-act operas, in order to avoid having to tear out whole acts from existing operas to be performed on ballet evenings; - that, since those people who actually run the Opera could not concern themselves with the additional responsibility for trivialities such as these, I was most likely to succeed in having such an opera accepted for performance if I could win over an auteur who would entrust me with a libretto. This was clearly a good idea, & so I decided to use the opportunity to introduce myself to these gentlemen; that this would not further the interests of the particular opera of which they had come to hear extracts, goes without saying. However, I thought to myself: if the gentlemen like my music, why should they not thereby gain confidence in my ability to compose a short, one-act opera? This, then, was my intention. I hope to have succeeded in it; Herr Scribe & Herr Monnais gave me the most unequivocal signs of their approval, and within the last few days I have been given leave to send Herr Scribe the draft of an opera in 1 act. What prospects, what hopes! And what gives me such a profound sense of joy in all this is the conviction that this turn of events, too, has been brought about solely & uniquely by you, and you alone: yours was the presiding genius. One name was sufficient to win over Herr Monnais to my cause: - Meyerbeer; when I introduced myself to Herr Scribe & alluded to my earlier mystical correspondence with him, he interrupted me to say that I need only assume that he had already heard the most glowing reports, - Herr Meyerbeer had already spoken to him about me. When Mlle Nau had to leave for London shortly before the audition & I turned to Mme Dorus-Gras in search of a replacement, it was the letter which Herr Meyerbeer had left me which immediately disposed her in my favour. You see, it is Meyerbeer & Meyerbeer alone, & you will readily understand me when I tell you that I weep tears of the deepest emotion whenever I think of the man who is everything to me, everything.
And so a deep abyss has now been crossed, - I am already on Scribe’s own ground, - but - now my strength fails me; I can go no further, unless it be that God offers me some form of exceptional help. With what, - ah! with what sacrifices I have managed to survive until now is something that only he can guess who has known the struggles of a fellow creature abandoned by every form of help. The feeling of wondrous exaltation which overwhelms me whenever I think of you may perhaps at this moment blind me to the somewhat unseemly nature of my disclosures, and encourage me to add that, even as I write these lines, my final prospect of continuing survival has been completely shut off to me, - at the very moment when, relying upon that prospect, I had been on the point of turning my present lodgings into a somewhat more comfortable place to live. There is no longer any question of help; not even Herr Schlesinger can offer me the least assistance now. I have reached the point of having to sell myself, in order to obtain help in the most material sense of the word. But my head & my heart are no longer mine to give away, - they are your property, my master; - the most that is left to me is my two hands, - do you wish to make use of them? - I realize that I must become your slave, body & soul, in order to find food & strength for my work, which will one day tell you of my gratitude. I shall be a loyal & honest slave, - for I openly admit that I am a slave by nature; it gives me endless pleasure to be able to devote myself unconditionally to another person, recklessly, & in blind trust. The knowledge that I am working & striving for you, & you alone, makes that effort & industry seem all the more agreeable & all the more worth while. Buy me, therefore, Sir, it is by no means a wholly worthless purchase! - If I remain free, as I am now, then I shall simply go to ruin, dragging my wife down with me; & that would indeed be a crying shame. Is there not something better to live for? This summer, when you could perhaps derive a healthy income from me - this summer will destroy me utterly, for I have nothing to enable me to survive even till the end of the merry month of May. But if you help me through until next winter, I may already be paying interest by then! - To put it bluntly: - no usurer can help me any longer, not even an ordinary upright citizen can help me now; for he would never be able to understand how I could ever pay him back; the only person who can do so is someone whose far-seeing eye & overflowing heart sees & feels that I may yet produce a goodly tree which, providing there is no lack of rain, may still bear fruit. Göthe is dead, - but he was no musician; there is nobody left but you. Some twenty-five hundred francs will help me to survive next winter; - will you lend this sum to me? -
And shall I not see you again before this winter? I assume & fear that this is so; no one believes that you will reappear before then. There is only one consolation in all this, & that is my firm conviction that you will return to Paris the very picture of health; & I trust in God that the same will be true of your dear wife. I imagine that from time to time every German feels the need to breathe the air of Germany to regain his strength. I hear that you have been travelling, & I deduce from this that your illness, news of which so distressed me in your last letter, must now have eased. How I long to receive your complete reassurance in this regard! You may be certain that kind & loyal hearts are praying for your health & well-being; both my mother & my wife have so earnestly entreated me to assure you of this that I cannot forbear from informing you of the honest effusion of their gratitude. My dear mother, to whom, in an excess of joy, I sent your letter in Leipzig - (forgive me, my beloved master, it was in order to regale her!) - as well as my dear wife have both been too deeply moved by the touching conviction that, in you, God has sent me my most powerful guardian angel for them not to offer you as such their silent sacrifice. - If the rest of the world is filled with your praises, why should these women not pray for you? - Mine is a different task, for I must work for you, i.e. make myself worthy of being able to thank you. - Here I am; here is the head, the heart & here are the hands of
Your property:
Richard Wagner
I am now living at 25, Rue du Helder.
Source: Selected Letters of Richard Wagner, trans. and ed. Stewart Spencer and Barry Millington (W. W. Norton & Company, 1988), No. 29