Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of November 15, 1871

Overview

The banker's continued silence makes Cosima deeply anxious, but Fidi gives joy and leads Wagner to imagine surgery as a future vocation that could unite compassion and toughness. Wagner's illness prevents work and turns his thoughts toward the Bayreuth house as an alternative to hostile cities. The anniversary of Cosima's departure from Munich, linguistic irritation at Freytag, and anticipation of future Bayreuther Blatter give the day a reflective and defensive tone.

Content

Wednesday, November 15:

My banker still silent; great concern. Joy in Fidi: during his sleepless night R. considered Fidi's future career and is increasingly taken with surgery, "in which compassion will harden him against weakness." R. is unwell and cannot work.

Thought a lot about our house in Bayreuth. A newspaper report that the Schiller celebrations in Berlin had been marred by bad jokes makes R. exclaim, "Never will I go to Berlin or any other city; nowhere is there even a morsel of soil for my seeds--must create an alternative, which will then attract the rays." Toward evening he calls to me, "Are you now on your way here?" Three years ago I left Munich. God forgive me the evil I have done and bless the good I wished to do!

R. shows me how Freytag in his book writes adelich instead of adelig, thus seeing no difference between the suffixes -lich and -ig. R. says, "Wait till I have my Bayreuther Blatter."