Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of October 1, 1870

Overview

Loulou's piano practice and Wagner's biography intensify Cosima's sense of household intimacy and of the painful past that preceded it. Encounters with an Italian beggar, Fidi's weakness, and the question of sending the older girls to school draw her between sympathy, worry, and reluctance to surrender teaching. A circus outing delights the children and moves Wagner as dreamlike family happiness, though Cosima's melancholy and financial concern remain close beneath the pleasure.

Content

Saturday, October 1:

In the mornings R. always enjoys Loulou’s piano practicing in the downstairs salon, he says the childish sounds give him a real feeling of family life. Yesterday he read me something from his biography, and the shameless conduct of his wife toward him made me shudder.

When we returned yesterday from our walk, we found an Italian with a marmot in the courtyard; the children were playing with the animal. The beggar’s countenance moved me deeply, the whole eclipse of a nation was reflected in it like a dream; the eyes, raised with difficulty, gave us a glimpse of lethargic melancholy. This fine race is likable, deeply instructive, touching, but I doubt whether it is still capable of active deeds.

Concern about Fidi, who always falls asleep in great weakness. Visit from Countess Bassenheim; she suggests that I send Loulou and Boni along with her daughter to a new school which is being opened. I find difficulty in agreeing; R. wishes it, to give me more rest, I must consider whether it would be of benefit to the children, either through giving them in communal learning a contact with other children or by perhaps providing them with better teaching than I can give them; I intend to see the schoolmistress. In the evening to Knie’s Circus with the four children, R., Richter, and Hermine. Great excitement among the children; Loulou following everything with great concentration, Boni quizzical, Loldi full of wonder, Eva reflective, all very earnest; the Harlequin pantomime had the greatest impact. As always, the show made me feel melancholy; gazing at the four animated young faces I asked myself: How long will the peaceful, merry hours continue to strike for you? In the carriage R. embraces me, exclaiming: “That I am on such a pleasure outing with you and the children! It is a dream.” Richter took Hermine in the char-a-banc, which turned out drolly, for our dear old Fritz was hopping on three legs and in the end had to be pulled along by Richter!

Somewhat concerned about my quarterly allowance, which Rothschild has not sent this time.