Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of February 10, 1883

Overview

Wagner begins the day depressed, dreaming of his young and beautiful mother and feeling that he is a burden to Cosima, though a convivial lunchtime celebration of Joukowsky's father's hundredth birthday—complete with champagne and a comically botched speech by Fidi—restores a mood of hilarity. The afternoon brings anxiety as conductor Hermann Levi is diagnosed with "emotional disturbance," and Wagner reflects with near-remorse that his own friendship may have driven Levi to despair. The evening conversation ranges from Paris's beauty to the Sistine Chapel—which Wagner calls a monstrosity—before Cosima produces Michelangelo's poem about the chapel, which pleases Wagner greatly.

Content

Saturday, February 10:

R. dreamed about his mother; he met her at the Brockhauses', but she was very pretty and young — as he could only at best recall her from her portrait — and also very elegant. But R. is not feeling well and he is very depressed; as we are finishing breakfast he says he hates himself because he is such a nuisance to me!

I rehearse Fidi in a speech for lunch; R. thinks it too long, goes to his room, and writes a verse. We come to lunch late, since he had a spasm. But he is in good spirits, tells us various things from the Fliegende Blätter; then mention is made of his 100th birthday, which we will surely live to see and hope to celebrate! R. leaves the table for a moment, then returns, the champagne is poured out, Fidi rises to his feet — but he has forgotten it all! I prompt him from a distance, but it is of little help. Then the telegram is brought to R. according to his instructions, he reads the merry saying, and the effect is quite splendid — a mood of great hilarity makes its triumphant entrance!

Unfortunately it is not allowed to remain with us all day; our poor conductor is very ill, and when in the evening the doctor lets fall the words "emotional disturbance," we realize that his friendship with us must in the end make him melancholy. R. almost regrets having recently told him the story of Dr. Markus! He is overworked, the victim of intrigues in his profession — also on our account!

After a sad discussion of this case (the conductor is staying in bed with us here), R. withdraws for a while, and when he returns we talk of other things, the city of Paris, its various beauties and its boring aspects, then we come to the Sistine Chapel, which R. calls a monstrosity; he says he would like to know if it was admired when it was first opened. I bring him Michelangelo's poem about this chapel, and it pleases him greatly.