Thursday, December 19:
R. had a somewhat restless night, but on the whole not a bad one; he talked in his sleep about military music. For me the night brought back worry in a terrible form - oh, once Siegfried is set on the right path, to die blissfully with him - from the appearance to the actuality! ... I feel how remote I am now from the birth which seems to be my own - all the rest of life's trials and all its petty troubles scarcely affect me any more, just one thing dominates my entire existence, and it is only by force that I maintain the appearance of calm.
R. has finished his Retrospect today. He goes in bright sunshine for a walk in the palace gardens, where the children are skating, except for Evchen, who is indisposed. R. spent some time at Eva's bedside and came away very touched by the child, who, though restless and unable to sleep, was bearing it all patiently. He says he cannot stand seeing the children ill: "They are usually so beautiful when they are suffering." Over dessert R. tells me of a letter from Frl. Uhlig in reply to the dispatch of the laurel wreath; this letter so upsets R. that he cannot rest in the afternoon.
At six o'clock he reads to us (W. and me) his Retrospect, which gives me great delight; I congratulate him on the idea of the tablet, which has saved him from having to mention everyone by name and hand out compliments right and left. Herr Neumann has invited R. to conduct a concert in Leipzig in support of the pension fund. In the evening a Frl. Steinbach from Vienna sings to us R.'s Träume and my father's "Es muss ein Wunderbares sein". R. instructs her how to sing the former, with long-sustained breathing, and the resulting performance is at once different, so very, very different.
After that Herr R. plays us three preludes and fugues; R. says of the theme of the 13th fugue that it is like the proclamation of a gospel; in general, he advises Herr Ru. not to emphasize the middle voices too strongly, so that the melody may stand out nicely. Then R. goes through Mozart's E-flat Major Symphony with Herr Rub. and gives him directions for its execution - for example, to play the second third in the Adagio with some emphasis: this gives significance to the whole theme, whereas it usually sounds rather trivial. R. takes great delight in this symphony and says: "So many ideas, so many accents! Though these things are perhaps not completely satisfying as works of art, there is always delight to be taken from communing with the spirit which shines through them."
R. tells us that, when he was alone in Angermann's, the barmaid came up to him and said it was terrible that Alexa was going on so long and that she did not slam the door shut today. R. agrees with her. We laugh heartily at the people's concern over this story.