Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of November 5, 1876

Overview

Winter-like weather arrived, with cold wind and a rough sea, and they felt the pull of departure. Malwida lunched with them, they tried to go out, but had to turn back, and the day passed with letters, walks, swimming, and more talk that always drifted back to the same burden. R. confessed that during the performances his constant feeling had been a desperate resolve of "never again," and even the King had noticed how much he was straining himself.

Content

Sunday, November 5:

Winter has come; the sea is driving its white horses along and the wind blows cold; we think of leaving. Malwida has lunch with us. We attempt an outing, but the wind drives us homeward. I write several letters. R. reads Sismondi, the children play, go for another swim, and take a long walk to Massa. We witness celebrations in the hotel and on the square over the election of a deputy.

In the evening, conversation with R., during which I try to talk about all sorts of strange things, but we always come back to the one dismal subject. R. says that his main feeling during the performances was, “Never again, never again!” He winced so much, he says, that the King asked him what was the matter, and then he had to restrain himself forcibly.